If But for a Moment
If but for a moment I can but touch some of the yearnings of my heart, I will be satisfied…
I have dreams. So do you. I want to go to school. I want to find out if I’m an artist after all. I want to play the harp. I want to have a piece of my wedding dress in my granddaughter’s blessing dress. I want to sit in the chapel of a temple with my grandson as he prepares for a mission. I want to play the violin again.
I know some of these dreams will come true. I know others will wait for a later time. This past weekend, however, one of my dreams came partially true. It happened in a different way than I expected and isn’t exactly a true version of my dream, but it was a blessed event nevertheless. It satisfied my soul.
You see, I lost a baby son years ago. He became ill just after his 13-month birthday. He was ill for a year and then he passed away just after his second birthday. On the day of his death, I received a promise that I would yet hold him, read to him, and have him eternally as our son. I have yearned time and again for just 24 hours with a toddler. I have dreamt of what I would do with him, where we would go for a walk, and how we would laugh and love again, if but for a moment.
In His own way, God has been good to me. Recently, I had the privilege of spending 24 hours babysitting my first, oldest, and only grandson while his parents are out of town. He’s just at the one-year mark and so I’ve had a dream come true. I have held this grandson, taken him for walks, laughed with him, fed him finger foods, and watched him play with rubber duckies in the bath tub. It was a tender mercy for me, much more precious, I believe, than if it didn’t have the context of my life’s experiences.
Somehow, previous loss, makes the present presents all the more precious.
I would not wish loss on anyone, but it is everywhere to be found. Some of us will lose our spouse to death or divorce. Some of us will not have a spouse in this life. Some of us will lose children too soon and our parents before it seems to be time. For all of us, there will be times when it seems that we have been abandoned by God.
But always, always I believe that the circle of God’s love offers us special moments, often far from the initial agony, to heal our hearts and give us hope.
My father lost his sweetheart long before logic said she should have gone through the veil. But in recompense, he was surrounded by grandchildren that grew in number by the month and many of whom lived in his home. There was children’s laughter to the end of his days. It was a tender mercy that seemed to balance the loss of his one and only.
I have watched a grandmother, whose heart had been torn by the loss of two adult daughters and more recently her husband, find recompense in the joy of great-grandchildren that have come abundantly in the latter years of her life to bring a smile to her sometimes weary countenance that is all the more sweet for the yearnings in her heart.
I want to be sensitive to God’s love for me. I believe that there will be many times when He will reach out to me, if but for a moment. When this happens, it will remind me of the promises and covenants I have made in my life, which He is ever ready to keep. It will remind me that He never has failed me, never abandoned me, and never will leave me wanting.
Yes, I will often have to wait. In the case of the recent 24-hour visit with my grandson, it was a wait of more than eighteen years, but still the moment has come and my heart is full.
In D&C 3:5 the Lord carefully and completely instructs us: “Remember also the promises which were made to you.” My testimony has been renewed that God keeps His promises, all of them. Sometimes they will be partially fulfilled now, sometimes they will come later, but they will always come. We must watch, wait, and willingly receive our god-given moments. For me, they are the sweetest of life’s precious memories!
~Photos from sxc.hu. Used with permission.