September 10, 2008 Active Life, Feeble Mind

Since we have been focusing on filing systems, I would like to share another idea.  I’ve worked with many women, some of whom (including myself) find it more and more difficult to keep track of everyday personal papers which need only temporary keeping and yet seem to disappear just when they are needed most.

I’m experimenting with a friend’s system that seems to keep my counters clean, my active life in place, and yet accommodates my sometimes feeble mind (caused in my case by pressures, distraction, or stress).  As with all systems, once it is in place, the key is to look in the filing system on a daily basis to find the relevant paperwork.

So far this detailed system has worked wonderfully for me.  It keeps my frig clean of wedding invitations, keeps unanswered letters in place to remind me to follow up, and allows me to address some paperwork needs down the road and maybe even a month of two from now.

I would appreciate your feelings and feedback about this system.  Maybe it will work for you, too.

Supplies:     - 31 folders, labeled 1-31 (for the days of the month)

                    - 12 folders, labeled January-December (for the months of the year)

                    - 1 folder, labeled Next Year+

                    - One container for folders (such as a desk drawer, plastic tote container, or handy

With my supplies in place, I now have a system to keep myself “ahead of the game.” 

Wedding and shower  invitations go in a daily folder one week before the wedding/shower to allow time for wrapping the gift and arranging to attend. 

I put unanswered correspondence at the beginning of the next month (allowing one-three weeks for it to be answered).

I put written notes to myself about possible plans about one week before I want to do them (visit my ailing aunt with some garden produce, write a get well card to an uncle who will be having surgery at the beginning of next month, ask a cousin for some more family history information).

When I plant bulbs this fall, I’ll put the packaging and my notes in September’s folder to be convenient when I plant bulbs again next year.

I hope this filing system will simplify your mind’s need to remember even as it accommodates your active life.  No use letting on how very much it keeps you “ahead of the game.”

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

September 3, 2008 Topical Filing System

I recently received the following request:

Could you share your method for organizing all the printed 'thoughts' that religious women collect?  I did a 'sort to the floor' (which is put everything on the floor, make piles, sort, toss, shred, etc. just this week - much overdue!) and now am faced (again) with how to file and organize every tidbit from adversity, atonement, women’s organization to Zion, and everything in between!

My old file system worked for 25+ years, but...I guess I need to revisit the process.

Shall I just move to an A-Z format, 26 pendaflex hanging files, and put all the "A's" in one hanging file (adversity, attitude, atonement), or just what do you suggest?!

Thanks in advance for your tips!

Lisa in UT

This is my best method for filing anything topically:

1)       I have manila file folders, labeled A-Z, one letter per folder. 

2)       I have pendaflex file folders, labeled A-Z, one letter per folder.

3)       I have a box of 1” x 3.5” white labels to facilitate re-labeling (when I misspell, change my  mind, or need to redo a label).

4)       I have a container(s) for holding my files.

5)       I put the appropriate manila file folder in the same lettered pendaflex file folder in my container.

          This allows me to remove any manila file folder, go through my materials, and return it to the appropriate place in my pendaflex folders easily.

6)       I sort through the paperwork (in this case religious materials), purging unnecessary, awkward, and irrelevant material.

7)       I put the “want to save for possible Church needs” paperwork topically into the right folder.  An article on the Atonement in the “A” folder, the cute story about babies under “B”, and the doctrinal article about Christ under “C”. 

          IMPORTANT:  As I file each article, I write the chosen topic name in the upper right corner.  This facilitate refiling the article.

8)       When an article deals with two topics, say Christ’s Atonement and the Resurrection, I file it in the most likely file for retrieval (in this case “R” for Resurrection) and put an 8.5” x 11” sheet of cardstock (or 8.5” x 11” sheet of paper, if you prefer) in the “C” folder with the label:  Christ’s Atonement and Resurrection – see “R”.

9)       When I find that I have numerous articles about the same subject which tend to overwhelm one file folder, I will label a separate manila folder for that topic, say “Charity”, and a separate pendaflex folder labeled “C-Charity” which is then filed behind the “C” pendaflex folder.

          This allows my filing system to expand and contract easily with use and need. 

10)     I put paperwork regarding a Church position in this filing system in the same way.  Obsolete secretarial paperwork, for instance, goes in a manila folder labeled “Secretary – 2000”.  This manila folder goes into a pendaflex folder labeled “S – Secretary”.

I hope this system works for you, too.  Buy your supplies, keep it simple, don’t save too much of anything, and finish up the project ASAP so you can start using your files instead of looking at your piles.  Happy filing!

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

August 27, 2008  Prepared Before

Sometimes others seem to need us most when we are least prepared to reach out.  It happened to me this weekend.  I have had several major commitments the last several weeks and then last Saturday a good friend died in an untimely manner much too soon for her young life’s energy and the needs of her yet maturing family.

I was caught somewhat unprepared.  There was little immediately at hand to take along when we visited the mourning grandparents and orphaned children.  My personal sharing reserves were depleted, the need was “now”, and there was no additional time or energy to prepare after the fact.  Oh, may I encourage all of us, because life’s stewardships shift and bulge at different times in unexpected ways and because difficult challenges come when we might least expect them, to apply or reapply the “prepared before” principle more thoroughly in our lives.  Those we love and know will always have an unexpected reason to celebrate, their birthdays come around much too fast each year, they marry, have children, and sometimes they mourn.  How am I going to be more “prepared before” so I can participate, share, and contribute even in the midst of other pressing needs?

I believe the answer has been and always will be in getting ready (often in bulk) to share a personalized gift, send a condolence card with a small remembrance, have a meal to unfreeze, heat and deliver, or pickup something near at hand to bring along when a visit is in order.  “Very soon” is a good time for this focus, these preparations, and possibly a purchase or two.  As soon as we find ourselves with a little breathing room, let’s sit down and “prepare before.”

Let’s go shopping to acquire, wrap what needs wrapping, stock up on what needs to be multiplied to refill our cupboards, and prepare what needs to be frozen so we can share, love, mourn, and support when the time is ripe.

For me this means baking a second batch of cookies to freeze the next time I’m in the kitchen, adding an additional stop to my errands list and purchasing some appropriate items to have on hand.  It means a wrapping session when I’m on the phone with someone who has much to say, and arranging a few silk flowers in my extra, empty vases.  It means getting stocked up, again, on emotional preparation, the kind that can give expressive support, emphatic care, and encouraging sustenance to those in need.

So many times others have come quickly and easily to my aid.  I want to be ready to serve in the same way.  So together, let’s get “prepared before”!

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

August 6, 2008 Safely Organized

          Walking home from an errand this evening I happened upon a young toddler standing of the edge of a very busy street oblivious to the obvious dangers whooshing past.  It startled me so I crossed the road, took his eager hand, and walked him back to the open front door of his home (which happened to behind and to the side of dense front yard foliage).  His mother, new to our neighborhood and distracted with moving in, babe in arms and another child at her side, was grateful but confused.  How had the safety of her little family been so completely and so quickly traumatized without much noise and with little warning?

          Another time, a good friend told me the chemicals under her kitchen sink were quite safe from her two young girls because she was always “around” and would get to the situation before any “real” harm could be done.  No so, not quite so.

          So this week, actually this morning, would you walk around your home and look for ways to organized the dangers therein so they are minimized and/or removed?  My new neighborhood friend needs a high hook on her screen door to keep eager children from wandering during her distractions.  My second friend needs her chemicals up and out of reach. Just in case.  Just in case.

Right now you and I probably have a can here, a bottle there, and some other dangers that are too low or too near.  These things need moving, changing, and reorganizing to keep our worlds safe and sound.

          Look around, under, down, and through very soon.  Safely organizing before a disaster is always easier than cleaning up and crying after one.

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

July 30, 2008 Finishing Summer

Because summer seems to end too soon and school descends before we are quite ready, many of our lives are in “overlap” during August.  We don’t really want to “finish” summer because the days are still hot and yet the requirements of clothing, school supplies, and homework are right before us.  How do we handle this overlap period and gain the cooperation of our family members to help with the putting away of one season even as we prepare for the next one?  May I suggest taking just a few minutes this week and making an “overlap” list?

Yes, fold a piece of paper in half lengthwise and write “Finish Up Summer” as the heading on the left side and “Begin School” on the right side.  Then list on the left side the items which need attention to complete your summer activities and list on the right side items needing your attention to get ready for school/autumn.  Maybe put the list on your fridge and add to it as you remember other items.  This will also bring it to the attention of your family members and possibly you can elicit their cooperation and help. 

I know that some of you don’t have school beginning or are maybe on a year-round school schedule, but even then finishing up summer and beginning fall will “happen” next month which means we must be thinking about it this week if we are to stay organized.

My own “finish summer” list would include three times for harvesting and freezing vegetables from my garden, having another evening picnic in the canyon, and altering three skirts for September’s needs.

My “start school” list will include purchasing Spanish tapes (as I want to learn that language during the upcoming winter months), buying warm socks, and taking advantage of the school supply sales as I’m low on binders, pencils, and glue.

Thinking now, making a written list, and then transferring these goals to your regular routines during August will make the “overlap” season happen with greater ease.  Good luck, my friends.  The long, hot days will be waning soon.  It will be sad to say goodbye to a good summer, but we’ll be glad to be ahead of the game (at least in theory) as we approach a new scholarly season.

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

July 23, 2008 School Clothes Inventory

I’m sure you don’t want to hear it, but for many school districts in my area (and maybe in yours, too), school will begin in about one month from now.  Ouch!  Where did the summer go and do we need to think of school already?

Yes, I would propose it is time to do a school clothing inventory, figure out what clothes you have on hand, what you can use for this year’s needs, and what you will need to purchase to fill out each child or teenager’s wardrobe?

A simple School Clothing Inventory form will help expedite this process, keep the budget in tow, and help you along the way.  This form is also useful for those of you who have grown children but would like to update and improve upon your own or husband’s working wardrobe.  What do you have?  What works?  What needs to be added?  How much do you have to spend?

Remember, all projects, especially a big one like this, are best done in small steps.  First, we will take an inventory.  That will take a bit of time (with everything else that needs doing).  Then soon afterwards, we will begin shopping with our printed inventories (which will then act as our lists).  Finally, we will mend, alter, and otherwise label the items so they will have a chance to be used for the whole of next year (layering for seasonal weather needs).

One word of caution.  Some children and teenagers seem to grow the most between when you shop for pants and they begin school.  Buy big at the waist and long at the leg to allow for this spurt of growth. 

So, my friends, with all else that is on your mind, get out enough boxes for each of your family members and label them:  School clothes for ___.  This can act as you initial stash as you sort, find, and make decisions.

Out of season clothes that useful but not needed right now (meaning that they are the size between two children) should be stashed in additional, labeled boxes or containers.  My favorite labeling system is:  Boys-1 pants, Boys-2 shirts, Girls-1 pants, Girls-1 tops, Girls-1 skirts/dresses, etc. for all ages.

Let’s get going!  School is starting up again too soon this year unless we get a head start on our preparations!

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

July 14, 2008 Weeding Again

          When I went away last weekend, I could hear the weeds in my yard giggling as I drove off.  You see, I have also been “absent” from my yard for a few days a couple of weeks ago and they got ahead of me.  I did a three-hour, total yard marathon weeding just before this last trip, but couldn’t weed deeply or thoroughly.  I mostly got the “big” ones that were showing their flowers and throwing their seeds.  As has happened before, the weeds got ahead of me this year.  One week’s distraction and they seem to take over.

          Isn’t it the same with the personal weeds in our life.  Take care of it while it is small and its done and gone.  Let it grow a bit, even water it accidentally, forget to hoe it out, and you have a mess of dandelions to deal with for a lot of tomorrows.

          The child who is sassy and we are too tired to have a short, crucial discussion about appropriate language soon is sassing and like a weed encouraging the rest of the family to follow.  The teenager who is disobedient and we are at a loss of how to train and teach soon abandons all responsibilities and feeds off others.  The friendship that is frayed to almost gone and we are too distracted to pay much attention soon is seeding discontent, dissension, and eventual abandonment.  Oh, how important are the weeds of our lives.

          The bedroom that becomes slightly messy seems to sprout more untidiness even as we sleep.  The dishes undone from just one day grow and fester in our kitchen to create chaos and frustration.  The grocery shopping that doesn’t get done, the laundry that sits, the bills that remain unpaid all are “giggling” at their power in our lives.  Weeds again. 

          May I encourage you this week, as you go about your daily routines, to choose one “weed” in your life over which you would like to take total control.  Are there dandelions of defeat in your dirty clothes, morning glory of bills waiting your attention, or thistles of disobedient children who need to be reigned in and disciplined?  It is a mess in your storage room, a smell in your refrigerator, or a stack of papers in your home office?  Where are the weeds you need to hoe?

          Let’s choose one unwanted plant, have a “marathon” hoeing hour and get ahead.  Then we can more easily keep up with our weeds while they are still small and easily discarded, dealt with, and otherwise controlled.  Happy weeding!

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

July 9, 2008 Pesky Neighborhood Kids

What’s to be done when summertime family routines have been exploded by the invasion of pesky neighborhood kids?  These are NOT the children that ring the doorbell before entering your home, ask before opening the frig, and go home politely when dismissed for lunch.  We are talking about those children who are more likely to have boisterous conduct, unruly behavior, and personalities that grate against the grain.  If this is a problem you are facing, immediately set some definitive parameters to meet your needs.  There are several ways to approach this challenge.

1)  Set New Rules.  Children tend to repeat what you say and so it’s better not to declare, “This is a big problem for me and I don’t like having so many pesky kids around.”  Put a positive spin on it and suggest, “We are going to initiate a new plan to better enjoy our summertime friends.  Here are several new rules which will make things better for our family.” 

2)  Open Door Policy.  It works very well to have friends share time your children, but only after a set time every day.  Decide when to begin your “open door policy.”  This might be as late as 10-11 a.m. if your children have housework to finish, dishes to do, the piano to practice, and summer homework to complete.  If neighborhood kids call, teach your children to say, “Our family doesn’t have friends over until after 11 a.m.  I’ll ask if you can come over then.”

3)  Can’t Play Sign.  Sometimes, an additional “Can’t Play” sign can be posted on the front door to alleviate having to answer the door over and over again.  Consider hanging this sign on your Christmas wreath holder to keep it up and away from eager fingers.  Of course, the first few times you will have to respond to the doorbell and explain that when this sign in on the door, it means please don’t ring the doorbell as there are no exceptions!

4)  One Friend Policy.  If you have a large family or have a short capacity for noise, it proves helpful to let each child in your family have one friend over at a time.  Children can also inform friends at the beginning of the visit how long they will be able to play.  This keeps parameters on an otherwise challenging state of affairs.

5)  Please Ask Permission.  As with the previous situations, rules should be established about behavior.  It seems reasonable to have all neighborhood children use the doorbell and ask to come in the first time they enter home.  Your children should ask permission to let them play.  All children should seek consent to get food from the pantry or frig.  Lastly, your children should ask to leave home and go elsewhere.

6)  Quiet Time.  Have a certain part of each day that is set aside for “quiet” time.  This siesta, usually one-two hours after lunch, is when your children are left to themselves to do quiet activities in their bedrooms such as reading or playing with their toys.  This quiet time allows you to do something alone, too.  There should be no friends, no interruptions, and no phone calls.  The house is kept relatively quiet!  This provides a respite from the hectic infighting and traumatic interplay that is so much a part of living on top of each other during long summer days.

When the “siesta” is done, back come the friends, out go the kids for a splash through the sprinklers, and up comes Mom to return to her home management duties.  Everyone is refreshed and ready to finish out the day.  Try it before you laugh.  It really works!

7)  Don’t Be the Local Restaurant.  Gently shoo all friends from your home before you begin preparations for meals unless previous commitments have been made.  This keeps the food budget down and your personal routines more in control.  If you desire to have an occasional friends’ picnic, invite children to come on a certain day and time to share a meal with your family. 

8)  Did You Know?  Set this plan in place by informing every child that comes into the home during the next week (when they first arrive) of your new plan.  “Did you know we have some new rules?”  This avoids later embarrassment when you have to tell them to “its time to leave” or enforce rules when they eat your food without permission.

Friends for your children are such an important part of summertime fun.  But always, yes always, it is also good to have parameters that limit and restrain so everyone feels in control, there is some quiet time each day, and the standards of your home are honored.  Good luck and happy friendshipping!

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

June 23, 2008, Financial Freedom

My dear friends, June 24th is our immediate family’s personal holiday.  We call it “Freedom Day” in celebration of our attempt to get completely out of debt. 

Financial distress is such a burden in our lives.  Sometimes it is consumer debt, habitually it involves vehicle debt, and frequently it includes a heavy mortgage.  It is not a lifestyle any of us would choose, but one which we are often caught in.  Somehow the black hole of debt looms bigger and bigger in our lives until it becomes so deep and is so overwhelming we decide to just give up and hope things “will work out”.

May I suggest another way?  Debt doesn’t have to be forever.  It doesn’t have to rob you of precious pennies, valuable dollars, and a good night’s sleep.  It just doesn’t.  You can begin today to turn the corner, change your circumstances, and find answers to this need.  The process is easy to begin.  It is worth every sacrifice it will bring to your life.  If you desire to start, you can download the “Debt Elimination” form for your use.

1)  Detail on this form to whom you owe money, usually listing from left to right the smallest debt to the largest debt.

2)  List how much do you currently owe to each of these creditors.

3)  For consumer debt, vehicle loans, and home mortgages, calculate how much of each month’s payment is going towards interest and how much is going towards principal reduction.  This can be accomplished by using an amortization calculator on the internet or obtaining an amortization schedule from your financial institution.  This information alone will help you realize how much can be saved by getting out of debt.

4)  Decide today to stop using credit cards.  This will be facilitated by putting away a substantial bit of money for any upcoming emergencies in a new “Emergencies” savings account at your local bank.  Begin putting extra dollars into it.  When there is approximately $1,000 stashed, you are ready to begin reducing your debt and your credit cards will no longer be needed.    (Continuing to use a debit card is all right because that is like paying cash.) 

5)  Begin with the smallest debt and work towards its demise.  You might make up a visual reminder, using graph paper and drawing squares to represent the amount left to pay off.  A labeled glass jar is also helpful for collecting cash you choose not to spend in favor of paying off this debt.

6)  Continue to pay regular monthly payments on all other debts even as you strive to completely eliminate this smallest debt.  Plan to “snowball” this debt’s monthly payment towards your next smallest debt when this debt it gone (as shown in the example on the “Debt Elimination” form).

7)  Using the “Debt Elimination” sheet will focus your energies and keep you on track.  Let’s begin your trek to financial freedom.  No matter your circumstances, no matter the amount of debt, it is needful to know the truth about your obligations and begin to pay them off!

If you have addition questions, please feel free to contact me as I will gladly help you get started towards financial freedom and keep you going until you get there!

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

June 16, 2008, Feeding a Crowd

          May I share some rather practical advice about feeding a crowd?   This opportunity comes around when those we love leave for or return after a lengthy absence, during happy celebrations, at graduations, and after weddings.  It also often happens during the summertime months.  Whatever the occasion, it is appropriate to have an organized method for food preparation.

Someone recently asked me what my approach was for feeding a light meal to 100 people (a mixture of adults and children) at a reasonable price and if they might have my methods.  I shared then, may I share with you now?

Main Dish (adults):

2 x 5+ pound rump roasts

4 large onions, chopped finely

2+ cups (or enough to keep meat moist during cooking)

6 beef bouillon cubes

                   Preparation:  Cook rump roasts, chopped onions, water, and bouillon cubes in one large/two small crock pots on HIGH for 24 (yes, 24 hours) breaking the meat up after 16 hours and shredding it again at 24 hours, both times with two sturdy forks).  Serve hot over buns. 

100 hamburger buns (13 packages of 8 buns, day-old bakery)

10# ham, sliced thin

10# cheese, sliced thin (I like Colby cheese to keep everyone happy)

Main Dish (kids):

30 hot dogs, cut in half

                   Preparations:  Heat slowly for one hour in 1” water in crock pot.  Serve hot over buns.

60 hot dog buns, cut in half (8 packages of 8 buns, day-old bakery)

Condiments:

1 pint mayonnaise, squirt bottle

1 pint salad dressing, squirt bottle

1 pint mustard

1 pint catsup

1 bottle relish

1 large bottle pickles, sliced

1 head lettuce, broken up

4 tomatoes, sliced thin

Drinks:

5 x 2 liters lemon-lime soda

5 packages lemonade Koolaid

5 cups sugar

5 large blocks of ice (pre-frozen in plastic Dream Whip containers)

2 limes, sliced

2 lemons, sliced

Punch bowl

                   Preparations:  Make up 2 quarts of lemonade with 1 package of Koolaid, 1 cup sugar, and 8 cups of water.  Add one 2-liter lemon soda in punch bowl filled with sliced limes and lemons (for decorations) and 1 block of ice (to chill).  Repeat recipe as needed.  This punch has the specific advantage of not staining carpets. 

Paper goods:

125 paper plates

125 knives, forks, spoons

125 napkins

150 paper cups

Serving Tools:

5 serving platters (ham, cheese, lettuce/tomatoes, hamburger buns, hot dog buns)

4 serving spoons (shredded roast)

4 serving forks

1 sharp knife

1 cutting board

1 fly swatter (if outdoors)

Donations:  (When others ask to help, ask for the following items--with a serving utensil--in the following order.  If more than 12 people offer to help, start at the top of the list again.)

          Salads to serve 25:

                    1) Jello

                    2) Green

                    3) Pasta

                    4) Relish tray with dip

          Desserts to serve 25:

                    5) Brownies

                    6) Cookies

                    7) Cakes

                    8) Ice Cream

          Chips to serve 25:

                     9) Potato

                    10) Taco

                    11) Cheese

                    12) Crackers, specialty

Happy feeding and may our special occasion turn out just right!

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

June 9, 2008, Helping Them Keep Commitments   

          Summer is such a wonderful time for playing with friends, going places with buddies, and otherwise stretching the vacation hours with interest and variety!

          Children and teenagers all know how to extend the confines of our patience, too.  They will commit to come home at 4 p.m. so they can practice the piano before dinner and then call to ask (because they are having such a fun time) if they can practice after dinner.  Well, you know what will probably happen if you let them stay longer.  The practicing won’t get done.

          And then your teenager might ask to do his chores after he has gone with friends to the tennis tournament because he forgot to arrange for someone else in the family do them.  Because the tournament lasts all day, those chores will likely be undone tomorrow morning if you acquiesce.

          And your younger children will say, “Please, just this time”, “Can’t we?” and “Why not?” enough to drive you wild with indecision and frailty.

          So, as this summer begins, decide to decide.  What will be your regular standard for helping them keeping their commitments?  Will you allow certain exceptions and when?  Can you be firm in all other cases and not give in to whining, manipulation, and sulking?

          Oh, my friends, being a parent is the hardest of all occupations.  Somehow, it seems we are working with family members smarter and more determined than we.  But if we are to have rules, standards, and some routine to this summer, there should probably be a set way of handling situations when the chores have been left undone because the family member is away, the teenager wants to work after he has played, and the younger children poke and pull at your indecisiveness until you want to surrender.

          While I hope we all enjoy our summertime activities, let’s sit down with our family and decide how we will work things when one child wants to stay longer at a friend’s and will miss setting the dinner table, when a teenager will be gone on his day to cook lunch, and your youngster has asked to stay late for a movie at a friend’s home when its her responsibility to feed the dogs.

          It will make for a more wonderful, leisurely season when everyone knows the rules and you are confident in enforcing them.  Good luck and remember, it is all right to say, “No, now this time.  You didn’t make previous arrangements like we talked about in family council.  Come home tonight and next time let’s plan ahead.”

           Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

June 2, 2008, Five Rules for Fair Fighting

People fight, children squabble, kids quarrel, and babies just cry.  Oh, if we could remove conflict from our homes!  But it is there, popping up at the most unexpected times to eliminate peace from our lives.

And so, because it is likely that a couple of fights will blow up soon, may I suggest five rules to teach your family members so they can fight fairly.  (This is just a fancy way of setting some definitive boundaries so the noise will be contained, the Bandaids will last a bit longer, and peace can be restored in a relatively short time.)  If you teach your family members how to resolve conflicts in this way, you will be surprised how much better things will be.   

          Rule #1.  Cool down first.  If you are really, really mad, you must have a cool down period first by isolating yourself from the problem.  Then, you can invite the other person to a “discussion” of the issues.   

          Rule #2.  Involve a mediator.  All “fights” are best regulated by a third party that isn’t emotionally involved and can keep the rules straight.  The fighters use this go-between to keep the peace while things are worked out.  This usually ends up being Mom, Dad or the babysitter (until children become more proficient at resolving issues alone).   

          Rule #3.  No hitting.  If you need to resolve a conflict, you must do it with your mouth, not with your fists.  Hitting hurts irreparably.  Words can hurt, too, but is the lesser of the two evils.     

          Rule #4.  Talk nicely.  If you need to clash with words, you may not use profanity, gutter language, or bathroom words.  There is no name calling or sassing.  You must also use your “inside” voice.  You may only express your “opinion” once.  (This saves the “yes it is,” “no it isn’t,” “yes it is” repetition that is so often found in conflict…)   

          Rule #5.   Propose a solution.  Conflict is normal.  It is the ability to work through conflict, find answers, and still keep peace that is the skill.  Get past the conflict and on with the negotiations.  What answer will work this time?   

          As a parent, these five “resolution” rules can prove invaluable when raising children.  Any neighborhood kids that became involved with conflict in your home should abide by these rules, too.  Five rules, enough for each finger of one hand.  Cool down, get a mediator, don’t hit, talk nicely, and propose a solution! 

          May this skill set help make this summer and all the seasons of your parenting just a little bit easier.  Teach them how to resolve conflicts and much of your familial stress will be gone.  Happy summer!

          Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

May 26, 2008, Little Things Time

          Sometimes your children, especially the grown ones, can cut right to the core of life’s issues to bring greater illumination and clarity.  For instance, just the other day my son said, “Mom, I am beginning to have ‘little things’ time as part of my daily routine.”

          He sets aside some time right before dinner (or before bedtime, or right after he showers, or between studying and socializing depending on the day of the week) to wander around in his apartment and attend to the undones of his life:  the wool Sunday sweater that needs mending on the shoulder seam, the undone screw on the wall that catches his washcloth every time he deep cleans the kitchen, the bike tire that is almost too flat to ride on, or the difficult email message that remains unanswered. 

          I am fascinated with this concept because in all our prioritizing and making sure we attend to the big, important responsibilities, we often leave the “little things” for later.  And, because they are little, they can remain undone for a bit and really not undo our lives.  But since they remain undone, we live a slightly “frayed” life.  And this fraying comes because we don’t take five, ten, or fifteen minutes a day and take “little things” time.

          So, I am going to be on the lookout during the next week for the “little things” that need doing in my life.  I am going to give myself permission to turn from the bigger responsibilities as dinner is cooking (my chosen time for “little things”) to play one song on the piano (one of the little things I never get to), to repair one small item (first on my list is the carpet threads on my staircase that need tacking), and to clear out a drawer (the kitchen tool drawer is getting messy again).  I am going to trim my frayed life back just a bit and come to a place of greater order, all in five to ten minutes each day.

          This means my front porch will lose its cobwebs, my car glove compartment will get dumped and cleaned, my garden gloves will have the longest finger mended, and on and on….  Oh, why do we live with so many undone “little things.”

          I know we are busy, too busy to finish up, clean up, mend, and enjoy life’s best moments.  But they are ours for the taking if we will give ourselves permission.  Let’s look (for a just few minutes each day this week) for the “little things” and attend to them with great love, for all little things are best attended to before they become bigger, more dangerous, more time-consuming big things!

          Take good care now. 

          Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

May 19, 2008, Summer Chores

It’s hot today, will get hotter tomorrow and soon school will be out and summer will be here.  It is time to make some summer plans about what your children (no matter their ages) will be expected to do this summer (in addition to outings, vacations, and other activities).  Let’s focus in three areas:   

          1)  What will be the daily “neatness” standards for their bedrooms during the summer?  Beds made?  Clothes picked up?  Curtains open, drawers closed, and toys picked up?  Will this need to be done before breakfast, before daily chores, or before they are allowed to play with friends? 

          2)   What household skills will you teach them this vacation?  Will they be in charge of making one room neat each morning?  Will they dust, vacuum, and clean a room once a week?  Will they have chores in your yard, maybe a section to weed, water, and harvest?  Will they learn to cook (maybe at lunchtime)?  

          3)  What reading opportunities will you offer?  When will you be going to the library each week?  Where will the library books be kept?  During what hours will you arrange for “quiet time” so the family members can read without interruption, distraction, or other attractions?

           Its time to take just a moment to think through your upcoming summer plans.  1)  Daily standards for bedrooms you will uphold, 2) household chores and cooking skills you will share, and 3) reading opportunities you will offer.

           Remember, parenthood is not a popularity contest.  You are in charge to make the rules, provide the opportunities to work and learn, and protect the time for reading (one of life’s greatest treats).

           May this summer be different because you take a few minutes to formulate your plans, decide what to teach, who to train, and create a daily break for personal reading.

           Happy summer planning!

           Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook and Teaching to Work Packet.

May 12, 2008, Transition Times

          I am going through a period of transition in my life.  Things are changing in my exterior world and inside my heart.  It is confusing and definitely challenging.  We all go through these periods:  birth within our home, death of family or friends, job changes, moving, illness, and natural catastrophe all take their toll on our soul.

          As I am going through this period, I have learned several principles which are helping.  May I share them with you? 

          1)  It is essential to cling to daily routines.  Prayer, scripture study (I am a member of the L.D.S. Church and find this particularly helpful when while my heart heals), exercise, and making myself pretty every day provide a foundation to my “house of cards” (my way of visualizing transition periods in my life). 

          2)  It is vital to focus on today’s needs.  I have little capacity to think out a week, a month, or into the year ahead.  But I can handle today.  Clean out a clogged downspout, take a small gift to the friend having scary surgery tomorrow, pick up the weekend messes, and file my paperwork.  I can function in today.  Tomorrow will have to take care of itself for now. 

          3)  It is important to have a non-judgmental, understanding friend to confide in, one who won’t give you answers, but will listen, love, and hug.  Such a friend is priceless during personal change. 

          4)  It is imperative to keep going, plugging through the difficult hours, keeping busy during the long evenings, and planning what to do to keep your hands and head busy while your heart figures out this new terrain. 

          5)  Transition periods are significant for they prove we are pliable.  Writing down my thoughts, studying through my emotions, and letting the feelings sit with me until they are ready to leave is all right.  You don’t rush change.  It comes, you embrace it, let it hurt or heal, and you go on. 

          Transiting is part of me right now.  It will be of part of your life, too.  Look forward, hold steady with daily habits, keep your body moving, and soon the foundation of your soul will settle again into capacity and growth.  It has always been so with me.  It will again!

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

May 5, 2008, Changing the Unchangeable

I recently received the following email:

Hi Marie -- would you please address how those of us who are set in our ways can evolve and change for the better?

My specific example would be - the kitchen trash can.  I really should, and I luckily have room, to have 3 recycle bins where I currently only have one large kitchen waste can.  Why?  Because I've always had just one tall kitchen trash can.  So why can't I (or why is it so hard to) change to 3 smaller ones (one for soda cans, one for plastics, and one for trash). 

I'm just trying to think through how to do this, and even harder, get my family on board as well (for sure the hardest part).  What tips can you share with all of us for making change work?  Thanks!  Lisa in UT  

Oh, my friends, change is so very hard.  It is hard for us personally, and even harder when we are trying to persuade others to change with us.  However, I do understand three principles which always seem to help: 

1)  Change happens best when I have set up the tools to make the change possible.  In Lisa’s case, purchasing three smaller wastebaskets (each a different color) and placing them in the kitchen. 

2)  Change happens easiest for my family if we practice the new behavior in a safe environment.  I like calling the family together, having a practice session (maybe even making it a game), and doing the “new behavior” over and over again.  I can see a family gathering where empty milk cartons, cereal boxes, and soda cans are mixed in a large container and a contest held to see who can get the items properly sorted with ever increasing speed and accuracy (comparing old times to new times for each person). 

3)  Change seems to stick best for me and those I love if we review how the new habit is working after one week, two weeks, and then a month.  For instance, you may find that different-colored containers isn’t enough and that labels (pictures or words) need to be added to the new containers.  Or, it may be suggested that one person be the recycle sheriff so boxes are broken down, milk cartons rinsed out, and soda cans emptied before recycling so the smells are reduced.  In other words, review and reset over and over! 

My friends, may you find one place in your life which you are having difficulty changing and apply these principles:  1) Set up the necessary tools, 2)  Practice at the new habit, and 3)  Review and reset as needed. 

May our recycling desires and any other “new behaviors” have a better chance because we are determined to apply ourselves, practice, review, and reset!

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

April 28, 2008 With All Your Getting, Get Going

I have had quite a week.  My husband received a release from a major L.D.S. church calling after serving for six years.  Time for change…  Then I learned of the unexpected death of a good friend of over twenty years.  Time to weep…  Then came a Sunday admonition I’ll never forget.  Time to listen…  May I share what is happening in my heart as a result? 

On Sunday, these spoken words struck home:  “With all [your] getting, get going!”  In this instance, the warning was about getting prepared:  buying up some food, getting some toilet paper set aside, filling some bottles with water, and otherwise “get going”.  (Remember, “being prepared” is not an event, it is a process, one that lasts a lifetime.) 

I know we are all busy.  I know there doesn’t seem to be enough time to think about this and “get going” as we would want.  And so we go to bed each night with the important left undone and worry still on our mind.  

The admonition was pronounced on Sunday, “Get going”. 

May I suggest you spend just a few minutes right now, yes right after you read this email and decide upon four projects you can tackle this next month, one per week, to “get going”?  It will get you on your way and with all your getting, you find answers, solutions, and begin to squirrel away as you have always wanted. 

My husband and I decided to do an food storage inventory and go shopping on our way home from the graveside service yesterday as our first project.  We found many people in the stores, shelves empty under the sign reading “rice”, and a general apprehension in the air.  After all, there are earthquakes here, tornadoes there, and droughts someplace else.  Time to “get going”. 

I don’t know your circumstances, but I do know that we must “get going” now.  If you need one, buy two.  If you need two, buy four.  If you need four, buy more.  Just a little bit at a little time, just do it now.  

Doing this will bring more order to your life, protection to your family, and alleviation of your worries.  So, pick four projects (one per week for the next month), make some plans, get out and get going, and keep going so until you feel ready, safe, and prepared.  It is time!

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

April 21, 2008  Endless Emails

I have recently received an inquiry: 

I try not to reply to my personal emails too soon or others will just keep emailing me daily. Then I will need to respond again. Do you see the endless cycle?  This "behindness" is stressful to say the least. I don't want to offend others, but I just get so behind!  Candice A. 

My dear friends, this email made me realize there are some helpers which have worked for me.

1)  When I read an email, I try to prepare a response right away.  This saves me having to read an email a second time before responding.  However, (and I am really revealing a lot about myself here), if I don’t want the turn around time to be too soon, I will save this response email in a “drafts” folder.  At the beginning of each week, I send off these emails which creates pacing from my end. 

I might get a second response right away (and often within the hour) to which I will reply, but again I put my response in the “drafts” folder to be mailed at the beginning of the next week.  This has substantially slowed down my immediate responders and given me more time to focus on other priority projects. 

2)  I try to keep all my own emails short and to the point.  Because I tend to lose interest reading an overly long email, I try to be brief at my end, too. 

3)  If I need a question answered, I use a “*” at the beginning of the sentence and put the sentence as the beginning of the paragraph.  This has significantly increased responses to my questions and reduced the number of times I have to repeat myself.  For instance: 

*Will you be bringing the crib when you come to visit? 

4)  In rare and difficult cases, I put emails needing a response but which I am not ready to deal with in a separate “someday” folder to address sometime later, especially if a response can wait.  I do this because I believe I must take control of my time in order to use it as wisely as possible.  Sometimes these emails wait for days, sometimes more than a month.  Having them in a special folder keeps them close without keeping them in my face. 

I love email.  I use it much more often than the phone and believe that as we are consistently kind, use it with restraint and politely “pace” our own responses, we can correspond with others and still maintain a sense of sanity.  Emails are not meant to be a pressure in our lives, they are met to be a pleasure.  Happy emailing! 

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

April 14, 2008 The Slinky Principle

I have heard that “work is anything that stops being fun before it gets done”.  Oh, how true (and how discouraging)!  However, our work can get done for today, can be finished for this week, and can be completed until next month.  In order to move from “never done” to “I’m done (for now)”, we must understand and employ the slinky principle.

A slinky is a rounded piece of metal that is produced like a continuous spring.  Children put it at the top of the stairs and watch it spring over itself and go down the stairs one at a time. 

For our purposes, the slinky represents our unending work.  Over and over and over again the laundry needs attention, the dishes need doing, and the toilet needs cleaning.  

However, if we drew a line with a permanent marking pen down the slinky on one side, we would have start and stop places all along the slinky.  In this same way we can approach personal and home organization.  

“I will do two loads of laundry each day which will allow me to keep up on my family’s needs.  With two loads done, the laundry can be done for today!”  

“I will do the dishes immediately after dinner and empty the dishwasher before leaving for work in the morning.  Then the dishes will be done for the day.” 

“I will clean the toilet upstairs on Saturday mornings and let my teenage boys clean the downstairs toilet when they do their weekly chores.  Then the toilets will be finished for the week.” 

Ask yourself what “slinky” jobs are burdensome to you right now and how you can “finish” them for a day, a week, or a month, so you can stop having those heavy undones on your minds.  May you understand and employ the “slinky” principle with success.  Lots of your responsibilities won’t ever be done, but they can be finished “for now”!

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

April 7, 2008 A Successful Summer

It is snowing outside right now which makes it an ironically perfect time to talk about summer, because summer (and all its precious opportunities) is less than eight weeks away!

1)  A successful summer always start with a written plan.  Do you know when the kids will be out of school, when the swimming lessons start, what summer school possibilities there are, when your family will be taking days off for a vacation, and when the grandchildren are coming to visit?  And, do you know when school starts again? 

Very soon, do yourself a favor and get out the June, July, and August calendars and begin marking them up.

2)  After you have an initial idea of when and what, it is time to add “launch” and “land” time periods to your calendar to avoid last-minute pressures and stress (which are going to happen anyway, but with this process we can minimize them).  Plan an hour’s “launch and land” EACH for a one-day activity, a day’s “launch and land” EACH for a week’s worth of vacation, and a day or two of “land” at the end of summer to allow for the transition back to school time schedules. 

Mark these time periods on your calendar as though they were appointments.  Actually, they are appointments, just with yourself.  This gives you permission to take time to pack, to unload the frig of lettuce which will slime, milk that smell, and leftovers which will self-destruct during your vacation.  It allows you time to have a day to wash, answer emails, and pay the bills when you come home after a week’s absence. 

3)  Make up a separate initial “to do list” for EACH upcoming summertime event upon which to make written notes as ideas come to you.  These should be stored someplace convenient for continual updating.  This keeps your head free to focus on other needs and your ideas save until you can address them. 

I was glad for the snow today because I have a dozen inside activities which need my attention, but I can feel summer peeking around the corner.  Time to gain control before we get run over and another summer is come and gone without doing, sharing, and feeling as we would want! 

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

March 31, 2008 Beauty of Backups

I am still learning the important lessons of backing up.  You see, just as Organized For A Mission, a book to help L.D.S. missionaries and their parents successfully prepare for missionary work, was about to go to print, right at the last moment on the last day, just as I was making the last important changes, corrections, and improvements, my computer died (actually the fan on the motherboard quit, but it sure sounded like a computer death).  I hadn’t backed up the files for more than a week!!!  Trouble!  Real trouble!   

Has this happened to you?  Just when you need to drive a far distance, you find the car empty of gas or a warning light begins to blink?  Just as you are walking out the door to an important appointment, the phone rings with a potentially more important call?  Just as you think life is going along with some sense of order, something or someone very important fails you. 

And so we come to the principle:  When it is important, consider the beauty, importance, and the absolute essential need for backups.  If it rains, what will we do about our picnic?  If we have car trouble, how will we get to the wedding on time?  If the reservation fails or the airplane doesn’t fly, or the person doesn’t pick us up, what will we do? 

Just this last week, one of my friends dropped a sibling off at the airport, drove the two hours home only to discover a message on the answering machine announcing that the flight had been cancelled because of turbulent weather.  Back went my friend another two hours to pick up the sibling, and then two hours back home again.  What a few minutes seeing the sibling safely off would have saved! 

So this week, as you go about the normal business of life, look at the bigger, upcoming events in your future and ask:  If it fails, what will I do?  If it breaks, what will I do?  If, just if, I need a backup, what can I do now so my backup plan is in place. 

Of course, now I am backing up my computer files every two minutes.  I must remember not to eventually be lax and slothful.  If it can fail, it probably will.  If I am ready, I will be glad for the beauty of backups!  Have a great week!

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

March 17, 2008 Keeping Promises

As I coach from week to week, it becomes apparent to me that much of the disorder which surrounds our lives is because we have promises which have not be kept.  There’s the afghan we were once interested in crocheting which now sits partially finished with no interest to get it done.  There’s the sheet music we were supposed to return from last Christmas’ concert.  There’s the mending which is piling up and the repair items around the house which beg for attention.  And our lives are half done, with partially kept promises or promises which were made and still sit undone.  

May I suggest that part of an orderly life is getting rid of those unkept promises which are unlikely to be finished.  Give away the partially finished afghan to charity with instructions on how to finish it.  Put the sheet music in an envelope and mail it to the proper recipient.  Decide to get at the mending or give away the clothes.  Figure out how to begin the repairs so your life is less “half done” and more “promises kept”. 

It is a small thing to keep promises and I know that we are all so busy, but one bit of advice I received as a young mother was to do something every day that would stay done for a bit.  We do so much laundry (which just needs doing tomorrow) and so many dishes (which just need doing at the next meal) and change so many diapers (which just need changing in an hour or so).  Let’s get some of the promises in our life fulfilled or separate ourselves from them.  “Finished or gone” should be our motto.   

Yes, I know we feel guilty because we promised ourselves to finish the afghan (but that season of our lives is past).  Yes, we wanted to learn how to play the sheet music (but its time to return it).  Yes, we want to mend and repair (so let’s get at it or get rid of it). 

Let’s look around and finish up or move out of our lives the promises waiting to be kept.  Let’s find order in surrounding ourselves with “current” not “past” promises to keep! 

Take care this week.  Happy organizing!

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

March 10, 2008  Bad News to Good Progress

The news is pretty bad right now:  gas prices up, house prices down, food prices up, job opportunities down.  This up/down is upsetting and down-trodding!  It also causes us to worry.  And to feel a certain sense of panic.  And to spin our wheels and consequently make few modifications. 

However, organization demands a different approach.  You see, moving from “bad news” to “good progress” means addressing four possible items of major importance right now:   

1)  Getting more food put away (the sooner the better),  

2)  Figuring out how to earn more/spend less (creativity enters in here), 

3)  Deciding how to reduce vehicle use, and 

4)  Calculating how to secure the professional future of our family. 

Moving from “bad news” to “good progress” also means asking four questions: 

1)  Where am I lacking (the most)? 

2)  What needs to be done (and can be done reasonably well now)? 

3)  Who is going to do what (specifically, very specifically who is responsible)? 

4)  When will I (we, they) do it? 

Moving from “bad news” to “good progress” in an organized manner means taking our goals and from them choosing small, simple, and reasonably short tasks.  (Remember, every marathon happens one step at a time.)  For myself, I am going to buy up two cases of canned fruit at the store this Thursday (as I seem to be lacking in that area).  I am going to try making homemade bread next week (to spend less money and rotate through my food storage flour).  I am going to walk to church this Sunday if the weather cooperates, and I am going to begin writing another book (or at least get my thoughts together in that direction as I am just now finishing up Organized For A Mission, A Guide for Parents and Missionaries). 

Can you see that it isn’t complex?  It isn’t the big things!  It isn’t major changes!  It is 10% here, a small change there, a simple shift here, and a focused effort there.  We must receive the “bad news”, but we don’t need to succumb to it.  Let’s make some “good progress” this week!

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

March 3, 2008  Ten-Minutes A Day Keeps Disorder at Bay!

As most of you know, I spend a considerable amount of my time helping others find order in their lives.  Sometimes it is cleaning up, sometimes it is cleaning out, and often it is finding the reasons behind the mess in the first place as we both clean out and clean up.

No matter the reasons, the situation, or the circumstances, I have found that anyone who devotes ten-minute periods to each and every “work” day bringing their lives back to order will make tremendous progress.  Whether it is getting the front room looking nice enough for company, getting the dishes cleaned and in the cupboard, or getting the laundry folded and put away, an EXTRA ten minutes each day more than you are doing now may be all that keeps you and me from the order we so desperately desire.

What is funny to me is how long ten minutes lasts when I am cleaning up and cleaning out.  Its no fun, it makes me sweaty, and it is thankless.  But with that timer set, my determination not to be detoured by phone, TV, or a knock on the door, I can keep disorder at bay in my life.  Out go the used newspapers, folded goes the blanket on the back of the couch, and swept up are the crumbs under our table!

Are you willing to try a new habit with me?  Yes, set the timer for ten minutes today and go to work.  Ruthlessly purge, throw away, make stacks of things to go elsewhere, and otherwise grab control again.  Work hard, work focused, and work until the timer dings.  (It is easier for me to do this before lunch, because somehow post-lunch hours seem to slip by with so many other priorities.) 

Now, I know that mothers working with young children will need at least three ten-minute “ordering” periods every day because kids can make messes faster than we can clean them up, but still we must return to order as often and as quickly as we can.  In the case of a family with small children, it is helpful to have a “clean up” period before lunch (with their help), again before dinner time (again with their help and the help of school-aged children), and lastly before bedtime (this time with parents and all children helping).  Not only are we modeling “10-minutes a day keeps disorder away”, but we are establishing routines and habits that can both make our homes orderly now and offer the possibility that our children will grow up to be organized!

After you have established this “10-minutes a day” habit for yourself for a week or two, begin to engage your family members to help.  Work with pre-school children if they are at home.  Then do it again before dinnertime with those at home then, and finally do it as a family just before bedtime.  Bring your home to a place of order each and every day to sleep better, live better, and keep disorder away!

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

February 25, 2008  The Broken Toaster Lesson

Our toaster broke this weekend.  Actually it broke soon after we purchased it many years ago, but because it was a four slice toaster and only half of it stopped functioning, we have used the other half every morning for many years.  It died completely Saturday and we have been eating cold bread for breakfast since.   

Not that cold bread is that untasty, but we get used to hot breakfast foods and thus a broken toaster can be a major disaster.  We purchased a new toaster about two years ago when this toaster went on temporary “blink out”.  But when a small piece of crust was shaken out of the toaster, our friend returned to service.  So the new toaster went back to the store and we have continued to live with our “half” functioning friend for a bit longer. 

Now, this is what I have learned about order.  It would have been smarter to have kept the new, replacement toaster (even for a couple of years) then to have to go back out and search for a new one.  You see, this week is NOT a convenient week for replacing the toaster.  A stored toaster could have been introduced into our kitchen and that would have been that.  (Yes, I have the Consumer Reports article which I xeroxed when we went shopping last time, but the information is now so outdated we will need another trip to the library.  And our toaster storage area is small and we must take care that the new toaster is the right size.  All that work once done must now be redone!) 

Second, I have learned that the weight of a “half” useable appliance has unknowingly weighed on me for many years.  When I think about it, I have so many half working tools in my home:  a lamp that isn’t plugged in because it makes sparkling sounds when it is turned on, a handled tool box that is duct taped to keep it together, a hoe handle that is loose from its head and on and on….   

It is time for me, and maybe you, to fix our lives.  Yes, get it fixed or get it replaced (and I’m not talking about relationships today)!  We are going shopping tonight for a new toaster, a new lamp part, and a heavy-duty screw to push through our hoe handle to tighten up the head.  I can’t wait for fresh, hot toast again tomorrow (assuming we are successful tonight).  I look forward to a working lamp and I can’t wait for my hoe to hit the soil with a solid, hefty bite. 

Part of personal order is getting things working, keeping them working, and replacing them when they stop working.  It is not just the tool that is the problem, it is the stress that non-working items create in our lives.  Where in your life can you replace, repair, or otherwise fix your tools?  See you at the store!     

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

February 18, 2008   Forecast:  Weary Weather

I have just returned from a weekend away speaking at a conference.  I have learned, again, that I must plan for weariness after certain types of excitements in my life:  getting married, having babies (particularly if my husband is also changing jobs), family reunions (especially if I have responsibilities), extended family commitments (like a recent wedding where I was hosting the family who came from out of state), speaking engagements (or any other situation that stretches me), and other immensely important obligations.   

Yes, every time that I know I will be gearing up, I must also leave time for gearing down, reorienting, and resting.  I must plan into my forecast and preparations for “weary weather”. 

I was so excited to go on this particular adventure.  I had a wonderful time while there and during the whole of the experience didn’t feel one bit of wholesale weariness.  But I am in the aftermath now and weariness has settled in. 

So, look at your month, your upcoming year, and your life’s circumstances.  Are you going to have a baby?  Forecast:  six weeks’ weary weather afterwards (or at least until the baby sleeps through the night).  Are you in charge of a wedding?  Forecast:  two weeks’ weary weather afterwards (at a minimum).  Is someone you love dying?  Forecast:  one year’s weary weather after they pass away (if not more).  Big, important and otherwise worrisome responsibility ahead?  Forecast:  two day’s weary weather afterwards (and more depending on the circumstances). 

I am going to try to look at my own forecast day to day and week to week from now on and plan for weary weather once in a while.  No need to get sick, fall apart emotionally, or lose all capacity to function.  Just look at the forecast and occasionally prepare for “weary weather”! 

Take good care this week, my friends, and may the sun soon shine in your lives that energy may abound 

and your forecast be full of clear skies!

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

February 11, 2008  The Answer is NO!

When we must say NO to others, we are such weaklings.  We say NO, they counter.  We begin to explain or discuss or excuse.  As soon we do, we are in a position of weakness and they get the upper hand.  Soon the tables are turned and we are moving to, “Well, maybe….”  “O.K., if you’re going to be so hardheaded about it…”  or “I don’t understand why you won’t take no for an answer, but since you won’t, then….”   

My friends, if we say NO, we have to stick to our NO.  Yes, one hundred percent, super glue stick to it.  If we don’t mean to say NO, then say, “Maybe…” “I’ll think about it and give in within two minutes…” or “I’m such a wimp, might as well just say yes and be done with the conflict…” 

But we cannot be weaklings.  Weaklings let their kids get into a little trouble now which turns into bigger trouble later.  Weaklings give in a little bit this time and aren’t even asked when the important issues are at stake.  Weaklings can’t parent or mentor or have healthy relationships!  You and I, always, when we need to say NO and do say NO, need to stick to our NO. 

Somewhere in our relationships there is a person we tend to give in to when we don’t want to.  There is a point where we have to choose between popularity and rightness, properness, and just sound judgment.  We know who that person is, we know when we regularly recede to, “Well, all right…” after we have confidently and yet indecisively said our NO. 

To bring good order to that relationship and to be taken seriously by all others that surround us, live with us, associate with us, and love us, take courage this week.  Look in the mirror today and practice, “I’m sorry.  This is not up for discussion.  I have said NO.  And NO it remains.  No amount of whining, pouting, procrastinating, or pushing will change my mind.  The answer is NO!” 

Please, my friends, it is easier to say NO sooner than later, firmer than wimpy, and on smaller matters before they become major problems.  Go for the NO when it is appropriate and stick to it like super glue, my super friends because saying NO and meaning it will bring much order to your own soul and to the lives of all you touch.  Take care this week and be strong!  Someone, meaning you and I, needs to take a stand!  The answer is NO!

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

February 4, 2008 Preparing and Using Personalized Forms

It is so easy to be overwhelmed when we are asked to be in charge.  It doesn’t matter if it is a local community gathering, a larger church function, of even a major family get together.  It is just overwhelming!  Sometimes the details are complex, the arrangements difficult, and the cleanup messy.  

However, if you are going to start out right and end up right, there is nothing quite like a form to get you on track and keep you there.  I have attached a master form (under the Downloads Tab) I frequently use when I am asked to be in charge.  I alter it from time to time to meet specific needs, but having a form sets a firm beginning and propels my thoughts coherently, especially when I meet with committee members or volunteers. 

You can use forms to help you along, too.  They are meant to be your “brain” when you are making arrangements, your “scheduler” when handing our assignments, and your “memory” when making reminder calls. 

Use forms generously, frequently, and especially if you are going to be responsible and in charge over and over again.  It looks great, it feels great, and it works great! 

Good luck this week.  Where could you use this form or design one of your own to move from madness to method when you are in charge next time?

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

January 28, 2008  Catching Up 

I got behind this last weekend.  I won’t go into the details but I awoke on Monday morning with undone wash to fold and put away, letters  to write and send off, and a house which was disheveled from lack of attention for three days plus a dozen other items that needed me.  It was so disheartening!   

I know many of you face “being behind” once in a while and a few of you just live with it all the time.  It is so hard.  We work so diligently, we push ourselves past weariness, and still we seem to be in “catch-up” mode. 

I am not sure I have all the answers, but I have learned a little bit that I would like to pass along. 

1)  It is important, as soon as it is practical, to get in control again.  This meant, especially for me, getting my visual world in control again:  putting the wash away, getting a load of dishes going, sweeping the kitchen floor, and straightening the pile of paperwork that needed attention. 

2)  During this focus period, I chose not to answer the phone, look at my emails, have on the TV, or answer my front door.  I decided that if it was life threatening, they would go somewhere else to ask for help or would come in my direction again with a heavier knock.   Surprisingly, the messages which were left were more easily handled as callbacks and the world survived quite nicely without my “immediate” attention.  In the meantime, I gained a semblance of order. 

3)  After getting my visual surroundings “neated”, I sat down with my planner and worked through how I was going to get caught up and still maintain a reasonable schedule with the week’s demands.  In other words, I listed one by one the items on my mind, attached “A”, “B”, or “C” priority letters to each item, decided what “A” items to do on what days, what “B” items to leave until later, and what “C” pressures would be put aside for some distant “slower” period of my life. 

4)  From now on, I am going to schedule longer “launch” and “landing” periods to surround big projects, major activities, and other adventures in my life.  It is up to me to create a bubble surrounding these periods so I can gear up, come down, get back to my routines, and otherwise “return” with appropriate pacing. 

Take care this week.  Remember, we are always going to be pushed by others to the very limit of what we will allow.  If we allow less, taking more time for 1) “launching” 2) “landing”, and 3) rest, we will still be respected and will truly be able to respond better because we are handling our pressures and responsibilities in an orderly, “I can do this and this and no more, no sooner than this” method.  Good luck with catching up and getting ahead!

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

January 21, 2008  Organized For A Monster

It snowed last night.  It was a big, silent “monster” storm that left some 8 inches of snow and was quietly gone before light.  We woke up to a good three hours of shoveling work and when we got outside, we didn’t know quite where to begin.

Isn’t that how it is with all our challenges, especially the big monsters?  Where do you begin, how do you proceed?  What kind of stamina will be needed to finish?  When do you rest, regroup, and then start again? 

Today I learned several principles about organization. 

1)  Have a “short” plan.  We decided to start at the corner of the garage and make  “snow shovel wide” pathways to the front door, down the driveway, around to the garage can, and over to the mailbox.  Then if our energy or time gave out, we could at least minimally function. 

2)  Have a “medium” plan.  When we got the pathways dug out, we decided to clear part of the driveway so we could get the vehicles on the street for errands, meetings, and work.  This focused our energies on clearing a “vehicle wide” pathway so my husband could be off and gone. 

3)  Take a break (very important when shoveling snow and especially important when tackling anything too big to easily comprehend).  We admired our work and spoke of new, more glorious tactics:  the sidewalk and front porch completely cleared, the pathway to the garbage can wide enough to get it to the street, and a new, smaller path down our front sidewalks to our property lines. 

4)  Go back to work.  Yes, the muscles were tender and sore, the problem still seemed overwhelming, but work we must if we were to make progress.  This is usually the hardest part for me.  But when I put my head down and begin to sing, I’m going to be all right.  Push, lift, swing, and down again with the shovel. 

5)  Have a “long” plan.  In our case, we took a second break, got some breakfast, and then returned with renewed energy and a lighter attitude because “the necessities” were done.  The job wasn’t yet quite complete to our satisfaction, but surprisingly, the warmth of the sidewalk was melting some remaining snow wherever we had shoveled and so we were being helped on our way.

6)  Keep at it until you are done, done, done.  It is always easier to do it right the first time when to try and return to chisel off the permafrost.  So we finished (at least good enough to get our company here, get the mail, put out our garbage can, and run errands).  It will be enough until the next snowstorm!

Good luck this week and remember:  “short” plan, take a break, “medium” plan, take another break, “long” plan, AND keep at it until you are done (or at least at a good stopping point).  May the snowstorms in your life not get you down, keep you there, or stop you from making pathways to success!

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

January 14, 2008 Habits Are Forever

My dearest friends, new habits come slowly, but they can last forever and so I am trying to improve some of my personal habits right now.  It is hard.  I have such ingrained routines that turn me aside from my new desires.  I get discouraged, frustrated, and desirous to give up and be what I always was.  But I am learning, too, how to get past my past and on to the new me.   

First, I have learned that change is a slow process and so focusing on one or two or at the most three items at once makes success more likely.  I have to make change so simple and easy, success is insured! 

For instance, I want to serve more nutritious meals to my family.  At first I was going to make every breakfast, lunch, and dinner the best possible during 2008.  Not good.  Too much at once.  Failure insured.  So now, I am first working on getting a nice, warm, nutritious meal on the table every night at 5:30 p.m.  I am checking my master menu plan on Monday morning (only seven meal ideas needed per week, a number I can handle), grocery shopping on Thursday (only want one trip to the store each week) and meal preparation (current goal is to set a timer for 4:45 each afternoon and get meal fixed and cooking if my schedule hasn’t allowed for morning preparation).  

Second, I need frequent motivational reminders about my current goals.  I have made up several post-it note reminders, one for Monday-PLAN, Thursday-SHOP, and daily-PREPARE.  I move these post-it-note reminders forward in my planner to the next needed date as I accomplish my goals.  This keeps me focused on success.  (In other words, leaving it to me to remember hasn’t ever worked, and probably never will.  How I appreciate written reminders!) 

Third, I am setting time aside every Sunday to think through the roadblocks to my success.  I have discovered the following:  If I have THAWED meat in the refrigerator, it is easier to put together meals, so the meat comes out of the freezer on Mondays.  I don’t much like to peel carrots and will indulge in pre-peeled mini-carrots when I shop on Thursdays.  I don’t like to clean up the kitchen after the meal and so will do that chore (as much as possible) before I call the family to eat so after-meal cleanup is easier day to day. 

What new habit would you like to have?  May I encourage you to use the same techniques with a new goal this year?  How can you FOCUS so the patterns of your desired change are insured?  How can you frequently REMIND yourself to keep on track so one success builds upon another?  What ROADBLOCKS need to be removed to facilitate your success? 

Yes, it is only small progress I am making right now, but if I can get the dinner meal fixed each evening, well, everything in my life will be easier and my soul will soar from the success (plus my family will be happily fed).

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

January 7, 2008 E.E.E. Plan

My holiday company has left, my decorations are stored, and my “to do” list is already very long for the this new year.  But even as I get going on my outstanding projects, I also want to get my personal life and home in order again.  I want to live “leaner” and “nicer” this year without the encumbrance of over abundance which constantly threatens my peace and perspective.  So I have a new plan.  As my daily schedule allows, I am going to go through all the rooms in my house and employ the E.E.E. plan for each and every drawer, shelf, nook, and cranny.

The E.E.E. plan provides for minimalization (if there is such a word) and allows me to work as this project even as I share abundantly what I don’t really need.  The three steps are:

- 1)  Everything out (of the particular closet, cupboard, or drawer I am working on),

- 2) Essentials back in (with a goal of getting keeping half or 50%), and

- 3) Extras gone (from my life)

So first I am going to make up a simple chart (which E.E.E. Planning Chart I have included for your own use in downloads) which will list the rooms in my house and the kind and number of drawers, shelves, nooks and crannies each contains.  This will give me a picture of my pacing.  I am going to be doing this for a few months and with a chart of my E.E.E. plan and a bit of time each day to purge, I can still keep up with my other responsibilities and feel so much better about myself and my life. 

I’m going to start at my back door and work around the house room by room, using this simple chart to list the shelves, drawers and closets that need attention.  Then I can check off my progress as I work through my E.E.E. plan.

For instance, I have a laundry room next to my back door with eight shelves on one wall of storage, so my E.E.E. chart for the laundry room will have eight boxes to check off next to eight listings of “shelf”.  My half bath has one cupboard with two shelves and one vanity, so that room will have three listings and three boxes to check off.  The pantry will need twelve listings and boxes…

So, if you need to overhaul your life, your home, and your stash, employ the E.E.E. plan.  Together, we will find peace and prosperity as we clean out and clean up.

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

January 2, 2008 New Year's Resolutions

Sometimes people ask me about New Year’s Resolutions.  I am all for them, but I think they fail, not because we aren’t serious about changing, but because we try to make resolutions and begin to keep them in the midst of holiday stress, illness, and chaos. 

I have learned to make up my New Year’s Resolutions with everyone else on New Year’s Eve and/or New Year’s Day but then put them away until the third week of January. 

By that time, everything, or at least most everything in my life, has settled back into a semblance of routine.  We have taken down the holidays decorations, the kids have returned to school, employment routines are re-established, and my world is running more or less smoothly.  Yes, the road is bumpy and there are occasional potholes, but who wants to life without some “excitement”? 

At the beginning of the third week, usually on Sunday, I sit alone and make an assessment.  What do I want to change?  How much change can my life stand?  What is most important?  What is realistic?  (I mean, after all, I still get tired, cranky, and am non-responsive at times.)  

Then, I make up a list of my 2008 goals (which include about 80% of the goals from last year and about 20% new goals which keeps it interesting and reinforces habits I am still working on).  Then I pull out my calendar and see where I can begin to include these goals into my routines.  This moves them from goals to “activities” that are much more accomplishable for me. 

For instance, last year I wanted to read more.  I decided that ten minutes a day, five days a week, would be an adequate amount of improvement and actually a great source of joy if I was successful.  Then I decided I would read at a certain time each day, attaching this new activity to a known, regular routine in my life.  Finally, I put books upstairs and downstairs, near reading chairs and at my desk, so that when the time arrived, I could plop down and begin reading without any setup.  When my ten minutes was up (about the length of a shower), I could return my book to its “home” and return myself to regular duties.  No one was hurt, no one was really ignored, no one was the worse off for my “fun and distracting play”.  It was a wonderful plan and for the most part worked well! 

This year, I have new resolutions .... so do you.  First, decide upon them (I like to keep the number to three since as that is a small enough number to memorize).  Second, write them down somewhere permanent (so you can look at them occasionally).  Third, figure out how to put goal activities (about 10 minutes at a time) into your regular routines, attaching the new activity to a well-established routine.  Finally, keep at it, keep at it, keep at it.  You won’t be better in a day, a week, or a month, but with a year’s practice, you can do anything (even get to read regularly again).

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.