Weekly Hint~2009

September 2, 2009 When Responsibilities Become Overwhelming

I received an anonymous note during Education Week and will address it today.

How do you address a situation where 1) a wife has to work full-time to provide insurance for a sick husband, 2) care for an elderly mother who at 93 has her own emergencies that become your emergencies (because other family members live out of town), 3) teach gospel doctrine and 4) try to be a mother to eight children and 23 grandchildren. Often there is no time left to “set in order” no matter how you try to “plan and prepare.”

My friend, I don’t know all your particular circumstances and surely cannot completely understand your stress. I’m assuming your husband is not working outside the home and that you are providing both income and insurance coverage. I’m also assuming your mother lives in her own residence, you contact her each day, and visit often her. I’d expect you teach Gospel Doctrine each Sunday. I’m also assuming your eight children are all grown, are independent, and live outside your home. From the situation as you have described it and my assumptions, I would like to offer several ideas for your consideration.

1) For our purposes, we will plan on you being away from the home for 50/hours week working and commuting. Is your husband well enough to do some of the housework, yard work, and laundry while you are gone, say one room a day and to fix dinner? If so, put him to work handling some simple household chores, the laundry, and preparing the evening meal. Make up a simple, two-person master menu, such as I have posted at www.houseoforder.com/downloads.htm to simplify your life.

2) Plan to take visit and take care of your mother every other day, except in the direst of emergencies. Family members that live out of town can take turns, by the month, of calling your mother each day to give her company. So Joan might be in charge of calling your mom during September and Fred handles October, and etc. Tell your mom you will call every day but will only plan to visit on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturdays to take care of her needs.

3) Always plan out your week on paper. In addition, plan to prepare your lesson for next week on the afternoon/evening of this Sunday. Pare down a bit what energy you devote to preparation and rely more on competent attenders. Pick the eight best students in your class and plan to call on them on a rotating basis to contribute to the class. “I’ve asked Brother B to give us a summary of today’s reading assignments and make several comments regarding today’s lesson before I begin our discussion.”

4) Plan to call your children on a rotating basis, one each day and three on the weekend (for example) to see how they are doing. If time is tight, try emailing them instead. Have a master calendar with everyone’s birthdays. If you buy gifts, buy them in one big shopping trip, twice a year, and wrap the gifts in bulk and label to whom they will go. Plan to mail them out on the Mondays, far enough in advance to arrive by their respective birthday.

Whenever possible, simplify, consolidate, and slow down. Avoid too many other commitments right now as you are full to the brim with responsibilities, but don’t skim on personal needs, personal primping, and personal renewal.

Hope these ideas will help!

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

August 26, 2009 Too Much To Do in Too Little Time

I received the following email and answered it. I thought you might be interested in these ideas.

Dear Marie: I have just ordered your new book, in hopes finding some ideas on how to get ahead of the clutter and house work once and for all. My job is in a rural part of Oregon. I do the books and all the office work that accompanies a ranch and mining operation, and in my house, too!

I have a small office where I work in the house but the clutter has run me out and I am now at the kitchen island emailing you.

I also take care of feeding a crew (3-4) of young men that work here during the summer. My 81-year-old mother lives close by. I also take care of her.

The problem is I am a perfectionist. If I can't do it the right way, which time rarely allows, I don't do it the house I live and work in is 2,400 square feet! How do I keep up?

I also eat a special diet which requires lots of prep time to do. I have minutes not hours to keep up with the household chores. Can you give me some pointers before I drown in clutter!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hopefully yours, Chris

Christine: O.K. Let's take a deep breath and then we can take control. Read the House of Order Handbook, one chapter at a time, and then begin to incorporate the principles that seem most useful to you.

I also feel from your email that you need to begin using the weekly map. It is located free on my website, www.houseoforder.com/downloads.htm.

It appears you are doing too much and sharing responsibilities too little. Try a 10% shift of daily chores to the other adults in your life for a significant increase in personal capacity.

Lastly, take just 15-20 minutes every morning before beginning your other responsibilities to organize your kitchen island and office. Remember, do it before you begin your day. It won't make a bit of difference in your overall production and you will have a nicer, cleaner environment.

P.S. I have just finished a new book, Be Successful In School – A Student’s Guide with my son, Tyler. It can be found online in binder form for any of you who have junior high and high school students. He was at the top of his high school class and got a lucrative university scholarship. This book explains the skills to be a successful, stand-out-of-the-crowd student as you prepare for college!

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

August 12, 2009 Better School Morning Routines

So much chaos can happen when school morning routines are established for the first time or are re-established again as school time approaches each year. But chaos is not inevitable. With some simple changes in habits, some additional tools, and a sound system for independent behavior on the part of your children, school mornings can calm down a bit and become an enjoyable, loving time of the day. Here are several ideas for you to consider as you think about improving your own situation. I have indicated the parents’ goal, which is to make mornings easier, then given several possible examples and possible children’s goals. Teaching these new skills will save many a harried mother and hassled, frazzled children trying to get to school on time.

Parent’s goal: Eliminate school morning decisions and confusion

Make It Easier to Get Dressed

Make it easier to get dressed wherever possible. If your children are younger, choose their outfits by the week and put in a closet sweater holder by Monday morning. This is especially useful for children who are tired in the morning or balky about getting ready for school. What to wear has already been decided. It is one less tension in the home. Make up packets to include top, bottom, socks, and possibly underwear. Shoes are kept in one of the lower holders. In colder weather, store coat and winter accessories in bottom holder.

With older children, the same principle applies but with some flexibility. Instead of making up the packets for the week, children with independent capacities can set out what they will wear tomorrow the evening before. Children not so mature can be helped by their parents. Again, the tension of choosing under duress of limited time is eliminated and morning routines are relieved of stress.

Child’s goal: Get up, make your bed, take off your pajamas, put your pajamas away, dress yourself in today’s school clothes, and put on your shoes.

Teach Children to be Independent in the Kitchen

The goal here is to make it easy for children to get their own breakfast and then clean up after themselves. Choose several cold cereals and store them in opaque plastic containers. This makes finding the right cold cereal easier for everyone, especially if the cold cereals are stored at a lower, easy-to-reach location. Parents should have a backup box of all cereals stored up high at all times to save tears because a sibling used up all the cornflakes and there are none left for the later eater.

Teach children to serve and clean up after themselves every morning, including getting their own breakfast cereal, putting their bowl in the dishwasher (which means that the dishwasher must be cleaned out the night before), wiping the table where they sat, and pushing in their chair. Milk should be put away and the cold cereal container returned to its proper place. The principle here is that everyone does a little bit to keep the kitchen orderly.

Child’s goal: No one can tell you were in the kitchen because you cleaned up after yourself after eating breakfast.

Keep School Items Collected in One Place

Confusion is reduced when all items going to school the next day have a “home.” An example is having a labeled plastic container for each child for his or her school needs. When an apple is needed for a science project, put it the plastic container. Permission slips go here, too, as does the backpack, sweater, and books.

Child’s goal: All school needs, including backpack, science project items, and school library books are kept in personal school container. This makes is easy to leave for school each morning.

Make It Easier to Handle School Papers

Of all the challenges of school, handling papers seems to be at the top of most parent’s list. To solve this problem, have labeled letter trays for each member of the family. Homework, tests, and permission slips go in the parent’s box for review when the child gets home from school. Dad or Mom’s box is usually the top box. He or she files obsolete paperwork and returns current paperwork to each child’s box for return to their backpacks.

Child’s goal: Put papers needing your parent’s attention in his or her box. They will return them to your box after dinner. The papers are to be retrieved and put in backpack before bedtime.

Because school is soon upon us, look at all your school morning decisions and move them to the night before whenever possible. Look at where confusion reigns and find ways to eliminate or reduce it.

There are many ways to improve school morning routines. What will your goals be?

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

August 5, 2009 Parameters for Saving Paperwork

I received the following email would like to share some ideas. Thought you might benefit from my thoughts, which are bolded:

Marie,

Thanks so much for your tips. They have been very helpful. I have a few more questions.

First off, I finally had time this last weekend to get through all of the paperwork....and I am up to my ears in it. There was a lot more than I thought! So, my biggest question is I'm not sure what kinds of paperwork are necessary to keep and what aren’t?

- old life insurance policies. Keep only current copies of insurance policies plus two older policies for comparison purposes.

- old bill statements: gas electric, phone, utilities. Keep bill statements for this year until April of next year (or when you do your taxes). If you don't need this paperwork for taxes, they can then be discarded.

- receipts. Keep receipts for this year until April of next year (for smaller purchases) and then do the same as with bill statements (i.e. discard if not needed for tax documentation). Put receipts for larger items with their respective warranties and instructions for long-term filing.

- old check registers, and duplicate check carbon copies. Keep for seven years (for IRS purposes). I usually do a ten-year turnaround, because it is easy to remember. Therefore, any 1998 and older items can be discarded in 2009.

- receipts from things we have used for tax right offs in the past. Keep for seven years (for IRS purposes) if for personal taxes. Again, I usually do a ten-year turnaround, because it is easy to remember. On the other hand, keep all business documentation until forever.

- old insurance statements. Keep only current and two in the past (as reference documents).

- bank statements. Keep personal bank statements for seven years (for IRS purposes). Again, I usually do a ten-year turnaround, because it is easy to remember. Business bank statements are kept forever to keep the IRS happy should they decide to visit.

Thanks again Marie!

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

July 22, 2009 Watermelon Words

Part of raising courteous, kind children is helping them know how to speak politely, what words to avoid completely, and how to know if their language is compatible with the situation at hand.

Using the example of a watermelon will help children understand the variety of words in our language. You see, a watermelon has a rind, seeds, and the juicy, sweet center.

The rind represents the words in our language that are slightly off-colored, derogatory, or hurtful. These “rind” words might include words such as stupid, ugly, and pigheaded. Just as the rind of a watermelon is less tasteful than eating the sweet center, rind words are less useful in our conversations that not. A lady and/or a gentleman doesn’t use these words to communicate to anyone. The words that you consider to be rind words in your home will be up to you, but encourage your children to rid themselves of such sour, inappropriate, and insignificant words. Instead, strive to teach them to become ladies and gentlemen, searching for and using the engaging words of our language.

A watermelon also has seeds. These are not to be eaten and are taken out before the watermelon is served at more formal occasions or spat out freely when at the park for a picnic. Just as watermelon seeds are discarded, “seed” words are not useful and are not to be spoken. These “seed” words include all foul language, swearing, and gutter words. (I would give multiple examples, but am sure you have your own experience with such words and will know when to correct your children as they use them.)

Finally, the sweet, interior of the watermelon represents all the lovely words in our language. They are to be used generously, added to any conversation, and help us express our feelings every day.

Even as you correct and extinguish the use of rind and seed words in your home, have fun with the sweet, juicy words of our language. Enjoy alliteration, which are series of words which all have the same first sound. Have fun with rhyming, too, which are words that end with the same sound. Have fun with creative words that aren’t even in the dictionary. But at all costs, consistently teach that certain words are not allowed in your home.

Sometimes, other children will come into your home and begin to use seed and rind words. It is useful to sit them down casually and explain that just as there are parts of the watermelon that are not eaten in your home, there are words which are not allowed to be spoken in your home. These include words such as you have just heard the child speak. As you correct guests, suggest alternate words that are appropriate. I remember my father helping a young guest in his home who had just swore after hitting his thumb with a hammer. My father simply said, “John, such a word is not worthy of you. I remember that your grandfather, when he would hurt himself would say ‘thunder and lighting.’ It allowed him to vent his feelings without cursing his God.” John got the point, for shortly thereafter the hammer found his finger again and this time ‘thunder and lighting’ were the words of choice.

Do you correct adult guests when they visit your home? I think not, but I do believe that children should be advised that although you were courteous to your honored guests, several of their conversational epitaphs were not allowable in the home. You might even ask if they knew which words they were. Surprisingly, children pick up the inflection, the circumstances, and the reactions of others when certain words are spoken and know intuitively that “….” just isn’t to be used. It is not a sweet, juicy watermelon word.

Teach your children, console them when they ere, and refer to the watermelon often. Seeds and rinds are to be set aside, sweet centers are to be enjoyed!

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

July 15, 2009 Prepared to Feed Company

Twice last Sunday I had unexpected company come to our home. First, I unexpectedly needed to prepare a full meal. Just as were finishing up our dinner, the doorbell rang and I needed a dessert for the second set of company. Both times I felt my kitchen was too thinly stocked. (You know that feeling of slight panic as you search rather too quickly through the frig shelves, stare into the open freezer, and hide in the pantry as you peruse the shelving for some rescue.) I pulled the meal together using some thawed chicken in the frig that I made into a chicken macaroni casserole and chatted with the close family member as I cooked corn, opened chilled pears from the frig, and set the table. (This company has so often eaten my standard company pre-planned meal that I didn’t feel that I could use it for them this time.)

When the second set of company came, I ignored my empty-handedness, didn’t even suggest that we have something to eat together, and hoped they didn’t notice. Afterwards, I wished there had been some small, cold treasure to share.

So my thoughts have drifted to a new, important place of company preparations, especially during summer weekends when company is more apt to drop by and say, “Oh, we just happened to be close and we haven’t seen you lately. May we come in?”

“Sure. We are glad you are here. Come in and I’ll prepare a small treat to share together.”

In order to be able to reply so confidently, I must have my pantry and frig well-stocked with items that are reserved for such needs. These items will be off limits for regular family meals, but will be used exclusively for company any time they arrive. My plans are to have cooked, cut up and frozen chicken pieces in the freezer for use in making up the quick casserole as that worked well for me last Sunday. I’m also going to make up a batch of brownies, cut them up when they are cool, and keep them in the freezer with a new container of Cool Whip. When the unexpected company comes just for dessert, I will pull out the brownies, add a dollop of frozen cream, and top the dessert with a maraschino cherry (just for looks).

Remember, as you go through each week, to look for problems that need solutions. Then apply the solutions you find and be ahead of your responsibilities, as much as possible, at all times. For example, when I use up my frozen brownies the next time company arrives, I will add to my next week’s chores to make a new batch and freeze them for the next need. I will add Cool Whip to my grocery list, too, so a new container is always at hand.

Then I will be more like my efficient aunt who many years ago, when her dying sister, my mother, came to the door with me in tow for a short visit. This aunt produced five different kinds of cookies and a glass of cold milk to share as we visited the last time together as a threesome. That memory is more treasured because my aunt was prepared sufficiently beforehand to treat us with gracious regard. That is more of the kind of hostess I want to be. “I’m ready for you to come any time you want and I have something special to feed you as we chat together.”

Happy hosting!

P.S. My new book, Organize As You Go, is being published and will be delivered to my door this Wednesday. If you would like a fresh copy for your reading pleasure, please order one now!

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

July 8, 2009 Calm Down and Recalibrate

Summertime can be so frustrating because schedules are messed up, the heat begins to wear you down, and the need for stability and sanity becomes paramount. Add in unexpected company, late nights, and a few mishaps along the way and disorganization is inevitable.

I know this is descending upon me when I wake up and feel overwhelmed. I just want to turn over and go back to sleep. However, I also know that I’m needed in my circle of influence and that tackling problems and finding solutions always works better for me than a bit more time in bed.

I cannot over emphasize that this feeling is normal, will happen several (if not many) times during the summer, and can be handled expediently. As soon as you are up, have made yourself pretty, cleaned up your bedroom, and filled your stomach with breakfast, sit down with a piece of paper, fold it in half, and dump your troubles onto the left side of it (I skip a line between all entries). This will calm you down!

Yes, list everything that comes to mind, from the leaky faucets to the running toilets, to the need to fix dinner for company on Friday evening, to buying birthday presents for that invitation that arrived over the weekend. Dump it all out, even the emotional feelings that come to mind including your guilt at having missed sending birthday greetings to your close friend, to the expensive produce which tasted terrible, to the frustration because your favorite pair of jeans have a new hole in the wrong place.

Now, on the right side, begin to list what you can do to solve the problems, who you can approach to find answers to your needs, how you will handle the situation next time so you aren’t embarrassed, and on and on. This is how you recalibrate. Remember, we always move from problems to solutions. At all times, we try to finish up and regain control. Forever and ever, a person works towards organization and gaining power again by calming down and recalibrating.

Next, make notations on the right side of your right-hand list as to which of these solution projects will receive your attention today, tomorrow, during the rest of the week, and into the upcoming month. Some of them will be postponed into September and a few until a long time from now.

Finally, get up and go to work. Remember, you are in charge to take your life and make sense of it over and over again. This is especially true in the middle of a hot summer morning when you are feeling totally out of control. Calm down and recalibrate to bring answers and motivation to get going. When you get going, life suddenly turns around and you can smile again! Have a happy, even if hot week, my friends!

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

June 24, 2009 Dealing with Angry Children

I don’t have all the answers about dealing with angry children, but I have learned a lot over the years and would like to share some insights.

First, anger is usually a secondary emotion. With a child who becomes angry, try to see past the anger to the real problem, challenge or need. A child who consistently hits a younger sibling, for example, might be suffering from sibling rivalry, which is a deep need to be appreciated and loved with the same attention and amount of time as the younger one.

“I see that you have hit Jason. Do you know why? What were your feelings when you hit him so hard?”

Second, children who are listened to while they describe what they feel will have an easier time working through their emotions to a point of feeling understood by their parents and then moving to a resolution of the problem. Don’t negate your child’s feelings. Whether they are valid or not, they exist for the child. Listen to understand and compassionately respond. Use language like,

“You have said you were just plain mad at Jason for getting his ice cream first. Is it true that you feel angry because....? Tell me more.”

Third, always move the child past his or her feelings to possible solutions to the problem at hand. Many times a child has expressed emotion because his or her bottled up feelings became an explosion. Often the child doesn’t understand why he really got angry nor how to deal with his or her feelings in any other way. After listening to understand, direct the child to see ways to resolve the conflicts of his or her heart. Use wording like,

“You just felt so mad that Jason gets my attention. Today it made you really mad that he got to have an ice cream first. To you it feels like I’m always paying attention to him first. What shall we do now to make it more fair?”

Often you will find that when a discussion ensues, your older child can be made to understand that satisfying the younger child’s needs first, as in this example, doesn’t mean that you are preferential to him. You might continue your conversation,

“You have suggested several ways to make it more fair. How about if we do let Jason have his food first, but when I fix your ice cream cone I’ll use your idea and add an extra “big boy” dollop on top because you are willing to get your ice cream cone last?”

In other words, help the child find a good way to feel special even as he learns to be kind and considerate of the younger child’s needs.

So, when a child gets angry, remove him or her from the scene (if possible) and listen to his or her feelings. Really, really listen carefully to their point of view. Nurture moving from the problem to possible solutions, encouraging the child to come up with ideas and then offering your own. End your conversation with a restatement that you understand that anger is natural to our reactions to life, but maybe next time your child might come and talk through his feelings before he or she strikes out at other siblings. Always verbally model what would please you in the future.

And yes, your child will hit again and need to be taught again. Change is always a process. Parenting is a long-term process of teaching, nurturing and showing a better way, especially when it comes to dealing with anger.

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

June 10, 2009 Toys' Pickup Time

I’m in a lot of homes and most homes I visit are in some state of messiness. Rightfully so, they should be full of toys and projects when children are home during the summer, and rightfully so, they should be messy when you are in the middle of a major remodel or other significant venture. And, of course, they will be messy when you have been diverted by illness or accident.

However, during normal routines more families will find a continuum of order if there was a pickup time every day so the house moves back from chaos towards control. And in some homes, once is not enough. For example, I encourage young families to have this pickup time more frequently: once before lunch, again before dinner, and lastly before bedtime. Could your home use such pick up attention?

You can set up a challenge if you want. “Who can pick up and put away the most things in the next ten minutes?” you might ask. “They will earn a straw in their drink tonight.”

“Anyone willing to contribute and stay with the cleanup for the full ten minutes,” you can add, “also gets a serving of dessert.”

Teach young children to pick up as a part of their normal routine, even if you end up doing most of the picking up and they do most of the wandering around the room. Talk about picking up, point out toys for them to give to you to put away, and encourage them to put some of the toys away themselves. Incorporate this routine into your pre-meal and pre-bedtime to do list. Initially, especially when this is a new part of your routine, you will have to be there, participate and supervise. Later your children will know what it means to pickup and can proceed on their own, knowing that meals won’t be served until the toy room is neat again.

And yes, Dad and Mom, should be part of the pick up team.

“Dad says he will do the front room and hall. I will do the back hall and bathrooms. Everyone is in charge of their own bedroom. Marsha, your room is the family room. Mike, the kitchen. Morgan, the laundry room and back porch. Let’s see if we can get this house back in order before dinner is ready in the next fifteen minutes.”

My friends, summer doesn’t mean slothfulness. An orderly home is a happier home. Let the messes happen, but don’t let them move in. Teach your family members to pick up over and over again until a pickup routine moves to the background of their lives. It happens because that is what your family does.

Some of the nicest words I ever heard were, “Better clean up the toys before we go out into the kitchen or Mom will just send us back to do the job before we get to eat.”

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

I recently received an email from a single mother trying to work with her twelve-year old son to increase his capacity to do household jobs on a day to day basis. This was my reply to her:

Dear Kathy:

You have made a good start. Let's keep going. In my opinion you could be working less at your end and allow him more "self-initiative" at his end. You are still taking the responsibility of choosing what he should do on a daily basis and spending too much time overseeing the selection of his daily jobs (via your written list on the door). Its time to let him loose with greater responsibilities.

How about sitting down with him during an upcoming family meeting with a 1) written list of all the jobs that needs to be done to have the household run smoothly, 2) a written set of standards for regular cleaning jobs (see my "fast" clean, "deep" clean standards cards for some ideas), 3) plus a timetable of how often the jobs should be done?

Also include in your discussion those 4) jobs which come up frequently but which can't be anticipated and how they will be posted by you, valued (paid or unpaid), delegated (who will do what), and completed (expected timetable).

Decide between the two of you who will be responsible for what, the standards for each job, and the schedule for completion. Type this up for ease of reference. Then discuss with him allowance standards (more frequent allowance is better with direct association with jobs completed successfully). I like to have some household jobs that are “your” responsibility simply because "you live here". The other jobs can have a direct dollar amount value.

Let your son use this jobs chart to check off his jobs as he does them. Let him use the prepared standards charts to check off the standards as he meets them. Let him be self-judging unless you find that he doesn't keep his word or work to the standards you have commonly set. Let him also figure out much allowance he should be getting each week and submit an "invoice" to you, maybe on Saturday morning. Decide how much of a bonus he will receive for 1) allowance jobs done without reminding (meaning he has used his self-initiative), 2) jobs done to an extra level of excellence, and what 3) deductions will be made for jobs not completed in a timely manner, 4) jobs which you had to nag about, and 5) jobs which were not done properly.

Let him grow up as fast as he can in this area of his life even as you allow him some leeway in other areas of recreation and fun. He is ready, you are in need, and a more formal arrangement between the two of you will greatly benefit your family.

I have attached a sample "standards" sheet for cleaning up his bedroom to get you started with keeping his bedroom neat on a daily basis...

...

This week look at your own family situation and using some of the suggestions I have made, alter, upgrade, or change the way you work with your children and teenagers to have more productive job delegation, meeting of standards, and self-initiative. You are welcome to copy the Bedroom Neating Standards Sheets for your own use.

One of my favorite uncles died unexpectedly on Sunday evening. He has had cancer and the prognosis wasn’t good, but he slipped away earlier than expected in the quiet of twilight. He also happened to die on the anniversary of my own dad’s heavenly birthday, so the passing was doubly poignant to me.

Surprisingly, I have had a lot of emotion, both for Uncle Clint, whom I adored from afar while he raised his family far away from my own childhood home, and then more closely as he and Aunt Rachel tenderly and gently guided me through some more recent difficult times. They just seemed to understand my needs and how to help. They were generous with their home, invited my family to reunions, to red & purple parties, and to wedding celebrations. They include me and mine.

And now Uncle Clint is gone and I am bereft and little able to embrace this new loss and keep up with my previously set schedule. So I have decided this week to let it go. Some of the projects, meetings, and obligations are just going to have to go, because I’m in unexpected mourning again.

I think it is same with all of you from time to time. You have a sadness in your life. You deal with it and go on and then some unexpected, later event brings both a new AND all the old emptiness back again. When that happens, it is all right to let it go. Let the business of your life go for awhile (without doing much explaining as to why you need a break), let the routines slid (without feeling guilty), and let your heart and mind soak in the new emotions and find a way to deal with them (without trying to keep up the rush of your obligations).

Let it go! You hurt, the pain is real, and you are in charge of letting it go until you can find new answers, more energy, and a healing of hope. Take care my friends. When you hurt, remember that you don’t always need to understand why you hurt, you just need to let life go for a bit while you make sense again of your heart.

I received an email from Heather with a great idea and an even better concept. May I share?

I think that one of the things I have learned from you is that if something isn't working that isn't a sign to give up. It means I need to look at it a different way and see if I can make it work for me. I wanted to share one of these successes.

Like you know, I am a crazy, busy person. Trying to manage my home, work and most importantly my family often leaves me very tired and frazzled. I often found myself selecting at the exact moment I wanted to be leaving for work my son's outfits (because my husband would ask me too) or hearing later that day from the grandmother or seeing for myself the horrid little outfit he was wearing. The worst were the days that is was really cold and he ended up in shorts or the days it was really hot and he would be dressed for January.

All of these situations left me feeling frustrated and overwhelmed that I wasn't doing well at ALL of my jobs. Well I decided to take matters into my own hands. I purchased a hanging sweater rack from Wal-Mart. They have six or so fabric shelves and hang simply on the bar inside a closet. On Saturday, as I finish Jack's laundry I set out the outfits that are needed for the following week. I include everything: underpants, shirt, pants, sweater or jacket for just in case, socks and sometimes even shoes. It takes only moments to plan for the entire week. Each complete outfit is placed on its own shelf and is ready to be grabbed. I don't stress about getting things ready and my husband knows where to grab the next outfit.

Ahh the feeling of sweet success and a bit of calm over the busy life. Love, Heather

May I encourage you to find a challenge, as Heather did, and look for a workable solution. Always, always be moving from problems to solutions. There is no need to stay in the midst of problems and live with them. Move towards solutions. Yes, sometimes you will go in the wrong direction and have to make a u-turn and try again. But don’t live with the problem; solve it. Then, you too, can have that sweet feeling of success. Take care this week. Let’s solve one problem and take charge again!

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

I recently received the following inquiry:

Hello! My name is Katherine B. and I attended a Relief Society enrichment meeting that you did and I loved it!

I have been wanting to ask you something. I am a person who is ALWAYS taking notes - sacrament meeting, firesides, workshops, conference, other university classes, institute, and other random things. I'm always jotting things down. (I guess it helps me focus.) I also love writing and receiving letters. I have tons notebooks full of notes and also boxes of letters (especially from my mission) that I can't seem to throw away but I don't know what to do with them.

I'm just curious about your advice as to what to do with stuff like that.

Katherine

This was my reply:

Katherine, your problem is not in your note taking, it is in your methods. We have two problems to solve: the old notes and your future note taking.

Old Notes. Begin systematically going through the old notes, about 15 minutes each day you are home and doing housework, to decide what is worth keeping. Usually, you will only need about 10% of what you have kept. The other 90% is less useful. If you come across phone numbers and tidbits of nonsense information, throw it out. You haven't needed it yet and will be able to find it again if you do.

Set up a simple file system by topic to keep these notes in, no matter their condition and size. Remember, ruthlessly discard any and everything that isn't absolutely precious to you. (And yes, I know you have kept all this paperwork because it might be useful and precious, but now you must be more logical and ruthless.)

As you sort, staple like papers with like so they are grouped for easy retrieval. Put what you want to keep in the newly labeled folders, again by topic: sacrament meeting talks, business meetings, Women's Conference, Education Week, etc. Discard the rest with a firm resolve. You can be and want to be liberated from any paperwork that doesn't help your current life's needs.

Put the mission and other letters by date in their own folders according to who wrote the letters. You might like a set of sorting folders to aid with this. See the red and white Family History Sorting Labels. I would be prone to keep all personal letters as they are the basis of personal histories and become more and more valuable with time.

As you sort, put what you desire to keep in the newly labeled folders. Discard any unneeded, non-personal correspondence with a firm resolve. You can be and want to be liberated from paperwork that doesn't help you now.

Future Note Taking. From now only take notes on a standard size of paper usually 8.5" x 5.5" (half sheets) or 8.5" by 11" (full sheets). Keep your written notes and extra blank paper in a binder, which you take with you everywhere. (As an example, I invested in a zippered binder case to hold my papers. This keeps blank paper in a form that can be easily stored and reused. It also keeps written notes safe from spills and crumpling. I like 8.5" x 5.5" because it is convenient for meetings.)

Then, when you get home, separate your notes into folders as before, but this time all your paperwork will be the same size, color, and quality. Again, make sure to staple papers that belong together.

Remember, never begin to take notes without triangulating. This concept means writing the date, place, page number, and topic at the top of each piece of paper, with the page number changing if you make more than one page of notes on any one occasion. This keeps the paperwork useful because you can return to it and immediately remember, "Oh yes, these notes are from the sacrament meeting on April 19, 2009. Elder Jones spoke on the return from his mission when I was visiting my aunt's ward in Salt Lake City, Utah." These simple notations at the top of each page of notes will jog your memory and help the notes always remain useful to you in the future.

Clean out, clean up, and do it different and better in the future so all your wonderful notes can serve you again and again.

If any of you have a questions to ask, send it along to marie@houseoforder.com and I'll answer it right away. I'll also ask your permission and share it in the newsletter if it is appropriate and useful!

People often ask me what is the most economical source for purchasing spices. I have been using a company for many years now and every time I purchase from them, I pleased with their professionalism, their products, and their web page. May I recommend them to you?

It is the San Francisco Herb Company. They have an order minimum of $30.00 so you may want to share the order with others. I have found that their spices store well in glass jars for several years without deterioration or loss of flavor (despite what I have heard from others about keeping spices for only a few months before they are useless). For this reason, I order all my needed spices at one time and then don’t plan to order again for three to five years.

When the order arrives, I take the spices out of their plastic bags, put them in clean glass jars, label the lids, and store them in my pantry. What an easy way to have plenty of good tasting spices on your shelves with a minimum of fuss and trouble. Order online and have your shipment within a week.

Now, when this order arrives, it is time to do a little purging of the old, sometimes greasy spice rack or cupboard. Spend an hour and order this part of our kitchen. Remember, take all the spices out of your rack or cupboard, order them by alphabetically (my favorite method) or by color (which works for some people) or use (main meal, dessert). Wipe down your spice holders or shelves and put the spices back so they will be convenient to retrieve. Add the new spices you have purchased and notice how much nicer preparing meals becomes because you can find what you need easily. Happy cooking!

Occasionally, you and I have a late start morning. This is either because we have overslept or because our “public” morning is starting earlier than usual. Sometimes, when I have unexpected late nights counseling or comforting, the morning after can be daunting because I lose pacing so quickly because of the demands of the day (which are always sitting there ready to pounce as soon as I am up). Other times, the day is going to start earlier than usual and I will have to be ready to go before I’m even really awake.

How do you keep up the habits which firmly launch you into a good day, those essential patterns of prayer, scripture reading, exercising, and beautifying, even when you get a late start?

When I know an upcoming morning is going to be hectic, my greatest tool is pre-planning. What will I wear, in what order will I do my necessary routines? What tasks will I leave for later in the day? What will I substitute out or even eliminate?

Because I know you will enjoy this, I will share a recent example. I was going to have an early, hectic morning. I decided what I would wear the night before. I chose a simple, easy to put on outfit that would meet my housecleaning needs plus be useful when I shared an afternoon in public with an associate (minus the apron I would wear in the morning to keep my clothes clean and plus a scarf at my neck).

I always pray first and did so in my usual seclusion. I decided that my exercise for the day would be briskly walking from my van to the afternoon appointment and then back again, so I parked an extra block away from the appointment on purpose to accomplish my exercise need (however abbreviated it would be).

I took a smaller set of scriptures to read while waiting for my associate to arrive as I knew this person was often a bit late and this would accommodate that part of my daily routine. I also took a notebook to make journal notes in case they were even later than my scripture reading needs with the thought to make a complete journal entry when I arrived home.

I decided to eliminate most of my makeup and just use lipstick and mascara because the outfit I had chosen tended to brighten my facial features in a natural way and with the addition of a scarf, I would look nice enough.

I prepared my simple lunch and the paperwork necessary for my appointment the night before so it would be ready to grab when I was going out the door (and left a written reminder on my desk).

All in all, it worked so much better than other late start mornings I have struggled through. So let’s be in charge again of our days, our moods, and our accomplishments. In other words, because some mornings are messy, let’s have a plan of attack for all unannounced such mornings and especially for those we can anticipate. Much of this is helped by a morning with our personal essential habits still a part of our routine, however abbreviated their place may be!

P.S. For those of you needing a good apron (red, green, or blue) for housecleaning or to keep your clothes clean, please see www.houseoforder.com/products.htm.

I have been asked again and again how to make sense of family history projects, especially when a mass of paperwork needs to be sorted for a personal history. This includes handling paperwork for those long dead and coping with paperwork for ourselves, spouses, children, and extended family.

I have finally found a solution that seems to work for all my journal, photograph, and family history projects.

As a first step, gather or purchase 130 or so manila file folders. I like three-tab folders the best because they are long enough to read easily. Find a box in which the folders can be kept as they fill up with paperwork. Also gather a marking pen, pencils, and some post-it notes to make notations as you work.

Then make up labels with the numbers 00-99. These labels will be used for the various years of the person’s life. Attach the labels to the folder tabs. If you are sorting for someone who lived from 1903 to 1965, you will use the labeled folders 03-65. If you are sorting for someone was born in 1986 and is still alive, you will use the labeled folders 86-00 and 01-09 plus any additional folders needed as they mature.

If you are working with several projects at once, you might consider preparing several sets of these labeled folders so as you find paperwork you can file it in the appropriate place and as you discover treasures you can sort them successfully.

To help make sense of miscellaneous paperwork, you might also want to make up additional labels such as: To Do (items that need additional attention), To Sort (items that seem overwhelming right now or belong in several places), To File (items that need filing elsewhere), Copy (items needing duplication), and Pending (items that are half way done and/or awaiting an answer).

You might also have folders for additional paperwork which doesn’t rightly belong with this project such as: Items to Share (paperwork of interest to other parties), Partial Items (items to hold until you can find the rest of the paperwork), Questions (paperwork that needs answers), Siblings (paperwork more rightly belongs to a siblings’ history), Friends (paperwork regarding friends of this person), Photos, Slides, and Negatives (for extra photographic items that you don’t care to put in the yearly folders).

Then, if additional, detailed sorting is needed, prepare labeled folders for the months of the year, i.e. January-December. This will allow further, easy sorting of bulky “yearly” folders. After the items are sorted by the month, they can be returned to the yearly folder and will be more useful because they are chronologically stored.

If the project is big enough you might also want folders for: Donations (from others who support you financially in your family history work), Finances (to keep track of who has paid for what), and Receipts (for printed records of expenses).

Again, after gathering and preparing these supplies, you will want to put the yearly 00-99 labels on the manila folders. As another example, if your ancestor lived from 1899 to 1959, you will use the labeled folders 99-00 and 01-59. You will not use all the labeled yearly folders for any single project unless the person lived a very long time, but having prepared 100 labeled folders, you will be able to handle all different life configurations with ease.

Now it is time to begin putting the paperwork where it belongs. Put the appropriate manila folders for one project in a box labeled with that person’s name so all the paperwork for one person stays together. I often put a smaller box inside this filing box to help the folders stand up straighter and not slowly slip downward. I use this smaller box until the folders stand up on their own as they fill up the larger box.

So set up your system, gather your supplies, and go to work. Family history paperwork needs to be sorted, organized, and filed to be any use. There is nothing so intriguing as a Sunday afternoon filled with a family history project. A sturdy set of labeled manila folders makes all the difference in moving the project from a mess to a success!

P.S. For those of you needing a quick start on your family history projects, I’m now selling these 00-99 pre-printed labels on my web page. See www.houseoforder.com/products.htm for more information.

How long do you keep all of those papers, especially utility bills, bank statements, and credit card bills etc.?

This is a great question with an easy answer. I use a simple system to handle this kind of paperwork:

I have found the best way to deal with bills is to open the envelope, discard all unnecessary paperwork and then staple the rest together, with the sheet to be sent with the check on top. When I am ready to write my check, I remove the top sheet to put with the check and then file the rest of stapled paperwork in my “2009” Taxes Folder. This is the first step to keeping order.

I have found that saving all paid bills until its time to prepare the following year's taxes is sufficient. I keep my paid bills in my current year's tax folder, use their information for deductions if necessary (in which case this paperwork is saved with my taxes paperwork) or I throw them out as part of my tax preparations.

I save bank statements for one year, too, but keep the canceled check images indefinitely. This means that the bank statements for last year are tossed when I do this year’s taxes. I also save credit card bills for one year. In other words, I will keep all paperwork for 2009 until April 2010. By that time, I have a four-month buffer of new paid bills in my “2010” Taxes folder.

Then the 2009 paperwork is trashed unless I need to keep it for tax purposes. If the paperwork is needed for tax referencing, then these papers are stored in my taxes folder and put away in a file cabinet.

This pattern of staple it, save it, and store it keeps my files cleaned out, my life neat, and my paperwork under control. Hope it works for you, too!

Do you have any advice on how to neat the car (as I have four children, ages 3-12) and how to organize it?

I cleaned it today and set up a routine to unload the vehicle daily, clean inside and out (including vacuuming, wiping down, and windows) weekly, and to restock it as necessary each weekend. It be HUGE if I could create a functional system. Any ideas?

I like these daily and weekly car cleanout ideas very much, except that it sounds like one person is doing all the work and someone elses are making most of the mess. May I suggest just one small change?

Teach your children what "neating" the car means to you (trash gone, lint picked up, shopping bags to the house, coats gathered, etc.). Then assign each child a section of the car to keep neat. It is likely you will have to continue to do the deep cleaning until your older children or teenagers can be taught to do this as part of their Saturday jobs.

I would personally be in charge of the driver's seat, have child #1 in charge of the passenger side of the front seat, child #2 in charge of the middle seat, child #3 in charge of the trash can, and child #4 (your youngest) assigned as Mommy's car helper.

Have a short family meeting explaining the new system and implement it the next time you “almost” arrive home. Don't drive into the garage, but stop on the driveway or even in the street and remind the family that "before" they climb out of the car, they are to finish their "car" chores and if they have to make two trips to do it right, it is to be done before they begin other projects at home.

So look at your vehicles, discover who is making the mess, and assign everyone to help keep this additional “mini-home” in your life neat and functional!

Some of you have been anxious about how to maintain organized relationships with extended family, grown relatives, and other important adults in your life who don’t needs lots of attention, but would appreciate occasional contact. I am talking here about people that you don’t have regular, intimate associations with day to day or week to week and yet whom are important enough to be remembered from time to time.

It seems, if we don’t have an organized plan, these relationships often lag, disintegrate, and otherwise drift away. May I suggest several, important tips to keep up with those you love, care about, and professionally associate with in your business activities?

Set up a rotating schedule for contacting these important people. I have seven siblings and four sibling-in-laws, plus their spouses, children, and now grandchildren. If I plan to reach out to each of these families in rotation, and if I approached this project once a week, I would contact a family once every three months with a short written note or email. If I chose Sunday afternoon for this activity, my immediate extended family could hear from me about four times a year.

A business connection of mine repeatedly networks while traveling by making contact with those of importance to her by phone or email. She keeps up with us from time to time during her own “down” moments. “What are you doing? How are things going? Would you be interested in doing something together in the future?” she kindly inquires. I will hear from her about twice a year. Oh, how nice it is to be on her list!

For more casual acquaintances, there is nothing more personal than a birthday remembrance. While certain people in my life have moved away and are more distant associates now, several of these women have maintained yearly contact on my birthday. It is enough to get a card, a short email, or a photo of their families for me to know that I’m still significant to them.

Then there are those to whom we send out a yearly holiday letter, card, or email, and for many of our relationships this tradition will be enough. However, it would be prudent to maintain a current permanent address list, entitled Christmas 2009, where we can also add to or update the names and contact information for people who come into our lives or whom we would like to remember year to year.

As funerals happen, a good friend of mine adds the contact information of all widows and widowers in her community to her annual Christmas address list until they, too, pass away. It is a small but important gesture of friendship and kindness.

As an alternative to the holiday greeting tradition, consider a specialized, off-season annual greeting. One of my acquaintances skips Christmas greetings all together but I’m sure to hear from her at Valentines Day with an update on her family and a picture of her latest adventure. Surprisingly, I seem to remember what she is up to because her letter comes during the brittle cold of February and usually delights me, whereas those Christmas letters seems to get all jumbled in my head.

Another friend sends out Mother’s Day cards to all the women in her life that have lost their own mothers. Again, this small kindness makes all the difference to me and other orphans like me. She remembers because my own mother cannot. Her Mother’s Day address list grows year to year as she becomes the substitute mother for quite a few women in her life.

I’m not suggesting that we go faster or make life more difficult than before. I’m suggesting we when we want to validate those we love and if we organize this part of

our life, we will have peace of mind because we will be making contact in a systematic way and at their end, they will be anticipating hearing from us at predictable time, whether it be several times a year or less often.

Maybe for you this will be a contact at Easter, the Fourth of July, or even Halloween. Whatever remembered!

P.S. I have a "Our Wedding Planner" Binder for those of you anticipating a wedding this season. See www.houseoforder.com/products.htm to get yours!

Probably just like you do occasionally, I’m entering a new season of life which is stretching and challenging all my previous organization skills. Memories of simple days seem so far away they are fuzzy. All is more confusing, frustrating, and tangled nowadays. I’m here and I’m there. I have this responsibility which seems to overlap with that need. I am off and gone first thing in the morning one day and then am home without outside commitments the next until evening.

People need me as much as ever, if not more so, and seem to need me right away. There seems to be so much freedom and yet so much confinement. It is definitely a new and interesting place to be. With all this freshness, I’m working on one small habit that I would like to share. It is helping me keep up with the varying needs of this new season, or at least to feel like I’m more in control and ready to go at a moment’s notice.

I call it “organize as you go.” The concept means bringing all projects to the next beginning point before I stop. It means completely finishing when I’m done. It means watching for holes in my habits so that I close the cupboards in my kitchen before I leave the room and tighten the handle of a leaky tap when I’m done (with plans to fix it this weekend). It means that I can return to my home, my desk, and my bedroom and find more in order, more often.

For instance, I’m trying more than I ever have before to empty the van, put away my treasures after arriving home from errands, and restock the van with fresh water, change, and simple foods for my next trip around and about.

I’m trying to have extra makeup on hand so I’m not scrapping the bottom of lipstick tube in order to look pretty in the morning. I’m making sure that if a skirt needs hemming, it is put in my sewing closet and not back in my bedroom closet after I notice the matter.

In other words, I’m going just a bit slower and doing just a bit more of bringing things back to order in my life. I’m not leaving the table until the dishes are rinsed and in the dishwasher. I’m trying to transfer notes from post-it notes to permanent places right after phone conversations. I’m emptying my fanny pack of receipts and trash on Mondays when I do my weekly budget. I’m putting all canned fruit and frozen meats in the refrigerator on Mondays so the rest of my meal preparations will be easier.

In your daily routines, where could you use a bit more “organize as you go”? With just a bit of practice, a little bit of inconvenience, and a few moments of time, you will find your efficiency and effectiveness will increase considerably! Remember, organize as you go!

I grew up in a home without any mops. Yes, my mother came from a tradition of being close to the source in order to clean. This meant wiping up all the floors in our home on hands and knees.

I continued this tradition into my marriage because the two tiny floors of our one-bedroom apartment didn’t require much attention. I even scrubbed floors by hand after we had our first son and lived in a larger, more spacious apartment.

My first sponge mop was a dismal, inexpensive tool that sometimes frustrated me more than it helped. It smelled after several uses, shrunk when it dried, and looked dirty from the first day. The handle was too short, too, but was the best I had known and was better than hands and knees.

When we moved I found a better, more expensive sponge mop which delighted me but the same problems persisted: smell, shrinkage, and dirt. Only recently did I discover a mop that really, really works. It is a microfiber mop of the highest quality. The handle extends so backaches are a thing of the past. Yes, it cost more than I would have liked, and yes I do still have to clean my floors, but now it is a convenient pleasure to do this frequent chore. It has a regular blue pad, an orange striped tile/grout pad, and an over-sized orange dusting pad. Talk about heaven!

With that in mind, I have searched for a way to share this mop with any who would like one. I have finally found a source and have put the mop on my web page. Oh, how great it is to finally find a tool to share that helps instead of hinders. Would you like one, too? If so, just visit www.houseoforder.com/products~microfiber.htm and I’ll accommodate you.

I have moved from hands and knees to a sponge and now just glide my mop over those floors and throw one microfiber pad into the wash even as I put a second, fresh one on my mop for the next time. No smell, no dirty look, and no shrink!

Take care, my friends, and remember, always look for new and better tools. They are worthy of your attention and make housework a whole lot nicer. Happy mopping!

P.S. If you would like to see a product on my web page, please let me know and I'll go to work finding a source.

I would like to promote the concept of the “later” closet. It is a place in one of my closets which serves to hold my projects between beginning and end. I have been using my “later” closet for years and realize, again, just how useful it is to me.

You see, when I go shopping for fabric, I don’t have time to sew up the fabric into scarves right away. Into my “later” closet the fabric goes. Then, when I’m on the phone, I can pull out some fabric and straighten the edges with plans to sew up the scarves as I can.

I keep my library books here, too, so they are handy when I take a moment to rest and refresh my soul. The receipts that need entering into my budget and the gift cards I want to use someday to have a treat at Maggie Moo’s are tucked into a small tray in this closet. Yes, my confusion and disarray is kept hidden from the world with the use of this simple idea. Outside I appear to be put together, even as I have a special place for my next priorities, which in their current state often look messy and muddled.

Occasionally I keep a newly wrapped gift in this closet waiting for delivery or mailing. Sometimes it holds secret projects for an upcoming holiday. But always, always, the closet is reserved just for “later” projects. If later means two days, two weeks, or even two years, the projects are safe in their halfway house.

In some ways, this closet is a gauge of how far I am behind in life. When the closet begin to bulge, it is time to slow down my intake and increase my output. So I try to stay away from stores and stay more at my tasks. I try to catch up on my life and reduce new commitments.

May I suggest that a “later” closet is very useful for anyone wanting to have more order in his or her life. Just stick the someday projects behind closed doors, welcome your company, and smile broadly when they comment that you seem so organized and put together!

I like to be on time and mostly I am, but occasionally there are situations when I’m inevitably late. How can I release, or at least reduce, the stress which I cause others because I’m don’t arrive in a timely manner? How do I relax myself, when I know that I’m going to be delayed?

1) Whenever possible, commit to “ish”. This means, “I will plan to meet you around 2 p.m., or “Two-ish”, if that will work with your schedule.” This allows you flexibility without causing problems for yourself or those you are meeting.

2) When you do need to set a specific time and subsequently know that you are going to be late, contact the person to let them know of your delay and set a new, planned time of arrival. “I’m sorry, Marsha, I have been caught in traffic and probably won’t be arriving until sometime after 4:30. Will that timing still work for you?”

3) Set your bedroom clock four minutes fast, the rest of the clocks in your home and vehicles two minutes fast, and plan to keep to those times because it will help you arrive a bit early. Arriving early doesn’t waste time, it conserves energy. Early arrivers can network with business associates, visit with friends, and settle themselves in without puffy, rushing, or feeling stressed. Simply put, try to live a bit early!

4) If you are working with a chronic late bird, tell them, “The party is starting at 6 p.m. for everyone else, but for you the party is starting at 5:30 p.m.” This will hopefully cause a laugh and bring the subject to the surface. Then it can be discussed and resolved.

As one of my friends said, “Marie, I’m starting to plan on you arriving about 15 minutes after you tell me you’ll arrive.” That piqued my interest. I didn’t know I had been repetitively late often enough for her to form this opinion. So we talked about it and I realized that the last three times, I had, indeed, shown up later than we had agreed. I also realized I had felt that my tardiness wouldn’t be noticed or at least would be overlooked because of our friendship. So we talked about “ish” and how I could better respect her own schedule.

So, if you are running late, let others know. More often than not, tell others you will arrive “ish”. And finally, be alert for communication from others that their needs are being ignored by your repetitive tardiness. We respect others when we are on time. We respect ourselves when we keep our committed timelines. We face reality when we realize that some times we can’t be in total control and thus call ahead about our anticipated tardiness.

As a side note, why is it that the lights are always red when we are late and seem to be green when we are early? Happy timeliness, my friends. I’ll see you “___-ish”!

I struggle, at times, with too many people needing too much of my time and attention at a pace

In understanding this challenge, I’m trying a new technique to regain my happiness. Maybe it will help you, too.

I’m giving myself a gift which I call “voluntary hibernation,” which is my way of describing a period of time taken as needed, when I pull myself away from my world and recalibrate. I attempt to move from grizzly to teddy again. Although I might be at home, I tell my family I’m not “available” for awhile. My favorite physical retreat is my basement office. You probably have a room in your home, a place at the office, or a bench in your garage (if you are a project person), where you can retreat for this same hibernation period.

When I’m getting ready to hide out, and after have I specifically told applicable parties that I’m retreating and would like some “time alone” for a certain, stated period of time, I don’t answer the phone nor the door. Instead, I think. I plan. I contemplate. I analyze. I settle down. I fill up my well. I move back from grizzly to teddy.

For reasons which I don’t completely understand, if I can be alone, can think clear through to the end of my thoughts, and can review and reflect, I can come out of hibernation a better person, more capable of helping and healing.

Do you have periods, too, when your teddy becomes more grizzly? If so, try a brief period of voluntary hibernation. It will order your mind, organize your heart, and move you back to a state of equilibrium and energy. Happy hiding!

This is a practical newsletter, one specifically written to “you know who.” I hadn’t gotten under my bed nor moved my front room furniture for too long a time. Then yesterday, as I pulled dust, treasures, and trash from under my couch, I remembered that part of my personal organization is to occasionally look at the “hidden” parts of my life and see what there’s.

This sometimes happens when I need something from the glove compartment of our van or I dig deeply into my fanny pack. Wow, I sometimes neglect those useful places in my life for a very long time. Pretty embarrassing to pull five-year-old paperwork from the van and find a dead piece of sticky candy in the hinder parts of my purse.

Let’s look at the “hidden” places in our physical environment and deep clean. Is it the junk drawer in your kitchen, the top drawer of your desk, the medicine cabinet in the guest bathroom, or the undersides of your furniture that need your attention?

I’m finding that once I identify a project (cleaning out the hinder parts of my world), I also seem to find time and energy to get to it. I’m going to spend just a few minutes every day this next week and clean out different places in my life. What will be your projects?

There is so much I can’t control, but a clean desk drawer, a neat glove compartment, and a useful fanny pack will not be among those uncontrollable items at the end of this week!

I’m traveling this week, first to Texas, then Louisiana, and finally now Ohio, speaking as I go. My suitcase weighed in at 46 pounds at the first airport! What was I taking that really didn’t need taking? How could I reduce my redundancy and lose a few pounds?

You see, lugging a heavy suitcase poses a lot of problems when you are traveling alone. Besides getting it into the airport, you have to get it off the moving baggage claim ramp, pull it all over the airport, and often make your way into the packing lots. With those thoughts in mind, if I had it to do over again, I would do this:

1) Use sweat clothes both as a second layer (I was traveling to both cold and warm climates). Then, also use them as pajamas. One pound lost.

2) Only take two pairs of shoes: One to walk in and the second to speak in. No need to be fancy when trotting. Another pound gone.

3) Wear all skirts and pants for the duration of the weeklong trip. Takes enough tops for each day, but allow enough variation for layering. (I’m really cold in these higher humidity climates.) Two pounds in extra weight gone.

4) Don’t take any hardcover books: Too heavy, too massive, and too likely to be ruined. Keep it to paperbacks. Two pounds lost.

5) Don’t take toiletries that will be found at your hostess’ or host’s home. They will have shampoo, soap, cream, and lotion. Two more pounds gone.

6) Clear out your purse of all unnecessary paperwork, plastic cards, and other trivia before traveling. Not only will you eliminate the risk of loss, you will have a shoulder when you return. Another pound lost.

7) Only take clothing that can take rumpling, rolling, and ruining. To look like a million from a suitcase is one great feeling. So much to gain with so very little lost.

When I get home from this trip, I’m going to revamp my Trip List to include what I have learned. Keep it simple, keep it light, keep it useful! Reduce the redundancy when traveling. A lighter suitcase is a better vacation!

I am a mom of four, with a new baby and I was just wondering if you had any tips to getting back into the groove of keeping my house in order. It seems after each baby I seem to fall back in to clutter and can't jump back into a schedule for a few months. Of course I am spending precious time with the little one, but looking around my house makes me feel overwhelmed knowing that it is going to be a big job getting everything back the way I like it. Do you have any tips so I can continue to snuggle this little bundle and keep my house organized?

1) Most women want to return to “normal” as soon as possible, not realizing that their new situation means that their “old” normal will never be possible because there has been a sweet addition to their home. So instead of trying to return to the “old” normal we must look to what the “new” normal will look like. This principle is also useful to anyone going through a transition in life. There is no returning to the “old” normal, there is only look towards the “new” normal.

2) Having a baby, caring for the valued bundle properly, and giving him or her the attention needed, plus taking care of your own health, the house, and the rest of the family is totally, overwhelmingly exhausting. As much as possible, for at least three or so months (about when the baby is sleeping regularly through the night), don’t take anything more on AND limit the amount of energy spent on any previous commitments. The phrase I like is: “50%, I will give just 50% to anything outside my immediate family circle.”

3) Learn the beauty of the word “NO”, because very time you say no to any and everything outside the absolute necessities, you are saying yes to precious time with the baby, the other family members (who are also getting used to the “new” normal), and yourself. This is the time to center your energies inward.

4) Learn the need to say “YES”, because very time you let someone else help you out, you will reap the benefits of peace and capacity. Let others do your normal housekeeping, fold your wash, run your errands, and bring in meals. Say “YES” whenever they offer. Be specific about how you might be helped: “Yes, I could use some milk. Could you buy two gallons and also pick up a bunch of bananas for me?” “Yes, I do have some mending that needs attending to. Can I leave it on the front porch as I’m just off to take a nap while the baby is asleep and the kids are at school?” “Yes, I would love to have you fix dinner for me tonight. Thanks for knowing that two weeks into a baby is the perfect time for an evening without fixing a meal.” When you begin to return to regular housework, for the most part ignore any major cleaning, scrubbing, or organizing. Mostly focus on “neating.” Remember, that neating up your house makes it look 80% clean. The rest of the needs will wait until your energy returns, the baby begins to sleep regularly, and routines can be restored. I like to focus on the minimum five: laundry, bills, meals, public areas, and bathrooms.

5) Finally, be kind to yourself and go SLOW. If you don’t feel like company yet, ask for a rain check. If you don’t feel like going out yet, suggest another time. If you don’t feel like working, rest. Soon enough your energy and capacity will return. In the meantime, give that baby a kiss for me and remember “50%, I’ll just give 50% until I feel ready to embrace the ‘new’ normal in my life.”

It is time, now that the holiday decorations are down (or will soon be), other family members are back to their routines, and we are getting our energy back after a long holiday season, to personally “design” how we’ll look in 2009.

For myself, I want to dress carefully and cheerfully this year. That I can “design” for myself. First, I’m cleaning out my closet this upcoming weekend of all the clothing, jewelry, and shoes that have become misshapen, faded, torn, or outdated. I’m making up a list of additions or replacements I need to make. For example, I need a new pair of warm gloves to go with my heavy navy blue coat and that item is probably on sale right now. Then I’m making up a Master Dress “Menu”, rotating through my outfits so I can look nice for my public needs and yet not worry about what I’ll be wearing each day. I’m at the Missionary Training Center five days a week now and there is need to “design” my pattern of wearing clothes.

I have decided to wear the same outfit each Sunday for one month’s time, changing outfits the first Sunday of the month. That will simplify my dressing early on Sunday mornings when I travel with my husband to the Missionary Training Center and will keep that decision to once a month.

On Mondays and Wednesdays my skirt color will be navy blue or maroon with tops, jackets, and scarves to compliment and match. Tuesdays and Thursday my base color will be black or dark green. Again I’ll use the appropriate tops and jackets to finish my outfits according to weather and mood.

These simple decisions can decrease my stress and help me achieve my personal “design” for 2009 just the way I want it to be. Well anyway, in one small place I will have control, and that will be great! May you have success designing your own Master Dress Menu. Happy designing

All right, my friends, its time to delve into your underwear drawer and draw out all those pieces of useful clothing. Some of them probably need mending (if you are apt to get to it), some of them are stained and need a little attention or a toss into the trash. Others are ailing from misshapenness and need replacing (if only for your self-confidence when wearing a lovely top). Let’s take a minute this week and update our underwear!

Then, take a good look at the underwear other family members are wearing. (Well, almost all other members of the family. Maybe just mention this topic to teenagers and husbands.) What updating do these pieces need?

There is nothing like the security of wearing nice, clean, comfortable underwear that is presentable, even though it is rarely seen. While we are at it, may I encourage you, if you need to shop for more, to buy up on underwear? You see, part of being organized is having the “store” at your home so you can conveniently pull out new underwear without leaving your bedroom. If you do need to make purchases, double your acquisitions and then don’t worry about this need for twice as long. One more place in your life that can be more organized.

So, this week, take a peek and do a thoroughly sorting through your undies. Remember, upper underwear is not for retiring, it is for updating. What doesn’t work any more should be double-bagged with a good knot and discarded. What needs mending should be placed near a phone or the TV so you can get at it while enjoying other pleasures. What you love, double buy so you can keep from thinking about this project twice as long as usual. Good underwear week, my friends. Let’s get our inside and underside clothing looking at nice as the outsides!

Here is it the first of the new year and not much will change unless I improve my skills to keep up with my life’s goals. My first challenge has to do with my “elephant-sized” goals. They are so big and I’m so small and I don’t much about how to eat at them elegantly. However, I wish to share some ideas (mostly for my own edification).

All elephants, just like all big goals, are really made up of smaller parts. Elephants have about 140 bones. Can my goal of learning to speak conversational Spanish be broken down to 140 parts, doing one small task approximately every two days? Yes, I can take that big “elephant” and break it down to learning one new word on Mondays, listening to two pages of literature in Spanish on Wednesdays, and learning a simple phrase to share with others on Fridays. Suddenly, my big “Spanish” elephant is becoming a smaller, easier meal to nibble.

There are 4,000 muscles in a elephant’s trunk. Sort of sounds like the number of “extras” in my house that I should be sorting, sharing, and/or storing. I can handle this overload by writing upon my calendar a drawer, cupboard, file folder, or closet shelf to cleanout each day. Yes, it will take me more than a year to finish and then I’ll just have to start over again, but it wouldn’t be an overstatement to say there are probably 4,000+ overstocked items in my life I need to shed. Time to conquer my “cleanout” elephant one muscle at a time. (I think I will do this whenever I find myself on the phone.)

And what about elephant’s ears. They weight about 110 pounds each. Too much to handle unless I break things down into one pound sections. I have large “elephant ear” projects that need attending to like updating my Master Menu to better fit two people, preparing my 2009 calendar with appropriate notations for this season of my life, collecting ample birthday cards, restocking my secret gift shelf, and finishing up my other undone projects. Yes, I bet there are over 100 pounds of undone projects in my life. Part of my every day needs to be focused on that finishing “elephant”.

2) Assign specific projects to convenient times in my daily schedule and note my goals on my calendar, and

3) Know that as I eat at my goals with all the elegance I can manage, I will be better off, happier, more at peace, and at least be somewhat in charge of my life.